In this episode, we're thrilled to host the inspiring Heather Aardema as we delve into the transformative power of decluttering in creating a healthier life. Dr. Jill Carnahan, a renowned expert in integrative medicine, invites Heather Aardema, a decluttering evangelist and health coach, to explore how clutter in our lives—be it mind clutter, body clutter, or home clutter—affects our overall well-being. Heather shares her profound insights and practical tips on how to lighten your load, both physically and mentally, to foster a more resilient and vibrant life.
Heather's Links Free decluttering mini-course: https://www.schooloflivinglighter.com
Key Points
- How do you define clutter? Why is clutter such a big deal to you?
- What are some examples of mind, body and home clutter?
- Talk about the physiology and psychology of clutter (research supported)
- When it comes to home clutter, why do we have so much stuff?
- The antidote to FOMO (one of the key reasons we have so much stuff) is? (JOMO)
- How do we take the lighter path? Can this really make a difference in our health?
Our Guest – Heather Aardema
A former TV ad executive, Heather Aardema spent two decades convincing people that they needed the latest gadget to be happy. Struggling to find meaning towards the end of her corporate career, she couldn't take off her extra weight, her home was cluttered, and life felt heavy. Then, she discovered minimalism—the intentional pursuit of focusing on what matters most—and felt herself getting lighter by the day. Heather left corporate, and today has helped thousands tackle their clutter, un-complicate their lives, and lose their excess mental, emotional and physical weight for good.
Heather's Links
Webinar dates: September 17th and 18th, 2024.
Living Lighter with Less
https://www.schooloflivinglighter.com/lighter-with-less-jc
Website: https://www.schooloflivinglighter.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/schooloflivinglighter
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heatheraardema/
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Dr. Jill Carnahan is Your Functional Medicine Expert® dually board certified in Family Medicine for ten years and in Integrative Holistic Medicine since 2015. She is the Medical Director of Flatiron Functional Medicine, a widely sought-after practice with a broad range of clinical services including functional medical protocols, nutritional consultations, chiropractic therapy, naturopathic medicine, acupuncture, and massage therapy.
As a survivor of breast cancer, Crohn’s disease, and toxic mold illness she brings a unique perspective to treating patients in the midst of complex and chronic illness. Her clinic specializes in searching for the underlying triggers that contribute to illness through cutting-edge lab testing and tailoring the intervention to specific needs.
A popular inspirational speaker and prolific writer, she shares her knowledge of hope, health, and healing live on stage and through newsletters, articles, books, and social media posts! People relate to Dr. Jill’s science-backed opinions delivered with authenticity, love and humor. She is known for inspiring her audience to thrive even in the midst of difficulties.
Featured in Shape Magazine, Parade, Forbes, MindBodyGreen, First for Women, Townsend Newsletter, and The Huffington Post as well as seen on NBC News and Health segments with Joan Lunden, Dr. Jill is a media must-have. Her YouTube channel and podcast features live interviews with the healthcare world’s most respected names.
The Podcast
The Video
The Transcript
216: Resiliency Radio with Dr. Jill: Decluttering Your Way to a Healthier Life with Heather Aardema
Dr. Jill 00:01
Welcome to Resiliency Radio, your go-to podcast for the most cutting-edge insights in integrative and functional medicine. I'm your host, Dr. Jill, and in each episode, we dive into the heart of healing and personal transformation. Join me as we connect with renowned experts, thought leaders, and innovators who are at the forefront of medical research and practice, empowering you with knowledge and inspiration and aiding you on your journey to healing.
Dr. Jill 00:26
Today, I am so excited to have Heather Aardama. She's a former TV and ad executive who spent two decades convincing people that they needed to have the latest gadget to be happy. That's marketing at its best, isn't it? Struggling to find meaning towards the end of her corporate career, she couldn't take off her extra weight. Her home was cluttered and life felt heavy. She then discovered minimalism—the intentional pursuit of focusing on what matters most—and she felt herself getting lighter by the day. Heather left corporate and today she has helped thousands tackle their clutter, uncomplicate their lives, and lose their excess mental, emotional, and physical weight for good.
I am so excited to dive in. Heather, thanks for coming on the show.
Heather Aardema 01:11
Thank you so much for having me. I'm really looking forward to this.
Dr. Jill 01:14
Me too, because this is a topic near and dear to my heart. I have so often, in so many stages of my life, realized that I do not function well when there is clutter around. One of my favorite activities if I have free time is to go through my closet and get rid of clothes. I have these secret rules. Say I buy a pair of shoes, I have to get rid of one and give it away or whatever. Thank goodness that my sister is a little smaller than me, but she's about my size, so she gets a ton of clothing from me. She loves it because I'm always like, “This is new with tags, actually.” But today I want to dive in because this topic is so relevant on so many levels, as you listed. It's not just the physical environment; it's the mental clutter.
Before we dive in on that, tell us a little bit about your story because it sounds like you had quite a journey to this process.
Heather Aardema 02:02
I had a lot of clutter in my life. I had all types of clutter. I not only had a lot of things because I liked to buy things and I liked that dopamine hit—it felt good—but I had other types of clutter as well. I would fill up my calendar way too full. My mom used to say to me: “Heather, you're going to burn the candle at both ends. Slow down, slow down!”
Heather Aardema 02:29
I also had what I like to call my corporate clutter. I worked in corporate for two decades. I had some incredible experiences. Then, at the end of the two decades, I was starting to feel empty. I had moments where I was questioning why I was still there. It was the golden handcuffs. It was: “Well, you've got a nice salary. You can afford all these things you're buying.” But I was not happy. Having a lot of clutter in my life in various forms was distracting me from the things that mattered most. I'm grateful today that I have decided to let go of those distractions and lean into the life that I want to live.
Dr. Jill 03:21
I love that. And thank you for sharing, because I think so many people don't even realize it. And I love that you made it much broader than just the clutter in our houses, which could be a big deal. And I want to dive into each of these topics—shopping or even busy schedules. I learned a long time ago—I don't do drugs or alcohol or those kinds of things—that we can have an addiction to shopping, like you said, there are dopamine hits, getting new things, or addiction to being busy. For both of those things, I have experienced those difficult-to-break connections. Why don't you first define—you've mentioned clutter on multiple levels—what is clutter? And why does it affect our ability to concentrate and do and focus on what we love most?
Heather Aardema 04:05
Oh, what a great question! I like to look at clutter as anything that gets between where we are and where we want to be. It's not just the stuff, but it's also the thoughts, the feelings, and the actions that get between where we are and where we want to be. Clutter represents distraction. It represents living on autopilot, living by default instead of by design.
Heather Aardema 04:38
A lot of us do have clutter. No judgment. We're human, and our world today is set up to distract us. Society wants us to be distracted: Go, go, go; do, do, do; don't slow down. So clutter is any thing, thought, feeling, or action that can get between where we are and where we want to be. As humans, we all have it. The good news is that clutter is optional. It's optional. When we realize the clutter in our lives, we have this incredible opportunity to let it go.
Dr. Jill 05:20
Therein lies the rub, right? I know that in your work you help people deal with this. I bet there are a lot of listeners—and I know I've been there myself sometimes—where there's a room that's a mess or there's a storage unit that you need to get rid of. Speaking of which, that's one of the biggest up-and-coming businesses in the US because people have so many things—way too much stuff—and they have to buy a unit to store their stuff. I always thought that was ridiculous.
Heather Aardema 05:46
Do you know that there are more storage units in the states than there are McDonald's and Starbucks combined?
Dr. Jill 05:51
No.
Heather Aardema 05:53
And do you know—because not all of us have storage units—that we lose a year of our lives looking for things because they're lost somewhere in our homes or in our storage units?
Dr. Jill 06:06
Wow. See, that brings it home.
So where I was going is, I think people realize this is an issue, and a lot of people probably want help and are like: “I would love, Heather, to get decluttered.” Or my calendar—for me, that was usually it. I would overbook like you mentioned in your corporate world. It looked great on the calendar, and then I got to that specific day, and I almost felt suffocated. I'm like, “I need more space.” I should have been a nun or a monk because I like that quiet contemplative time in nature. When my schedule is too busy, I don't function well and I know that. I could sometimes look at my day and be like, “I can't do this!” And thank goodness I've moved from that and I have a lot more space.
Dr. Jill 06:48
But back to our original question because this is where the listener comes in. They're like: “What do I do? How do I start?” And what are the mental blocks around getting rid of clutter? You might know that you need to or want to, but you still might not be able to put it into place. How do you talk to these people who have the desire but aren't sure how to start?
Heather Aardema 07:06
Oh, okay. So often people will try to declutter. They'll putz from here to there, and they'll realize: “You know what? I'm not making any progress.” They will spend years doing this, sometimes decades. The reason why we don't make progress in the beginning is because we don't get to the root cause of our clutter. That's step number one. Why do you have the clutter? What holes are you trying to fill? What are the stories behind those things, behind why you're having trouble letting go?
Heather Aardema 07:42
An exercise that I love doing with my clients—and it might sound a little wonky or a little silly, but it's so powerful and transformative—is to sit down and take out a pencil or a pen and write yourself a letter from clutter. It goes like this: “Dear Dr. Jill, I am clutter and this is what I want you to know.” You just let your heart come out onto that paper. Once you're done, you sign it—”Love, clutter.” Usually, 99% of the time, the root cause of your clutter will come through in that letter. Often, I have people writing two, three, or four pages. They come to me in tears, saying: “This was the most incredible exercise I've ever done.”
Heather Aardema 08:39
Why do others not have success? It's because they're not slowing down and saying: “Wait a second. Why do I have this clutter? What's that root cause?” Clutter is a symptom. Typically, it's a symptom stemming from some kind of childhood perceived trauma. When we give ourselves the gift to get curious, so many doors open. So to start, I would say: Get to the root cause of your clutter. It's a powerful experience.
Heather Aardema 09:16
Once you've done that and you're getting excited that you're going to declutter, I want you to remind yourself that decluttering is uncomfortable in the beginning. Dr. Jill, in the beginning, you mentioned that for you, you love to lighten up your space. It's fun. I promise all my clients that they will get to the place where you are, where decluttering can feel light and energizing. You take that dopamine that you used to get from buying things—that actually transfers over to lightening up your home and your space. However, most of us are thinking about decluttering as a job. It feels heavy and it feels hard and it's full of judgment and shame. What I like to remind my clients is that it's uncomfortable.
I saw this exercise once; I thought it was so powerful. Are you open to doing the exercise with me?
Dr. Jill 10:16
Sure.
Heather Aardema 10:18
Take your hands and clasp them together with one thumb over the other. Now do it again with the opposite thumb on top. How does that feel?
Dr. Jill 10:29
A little weird.
Heather Aardema 10:30
Yes. Weird, uncomfortable, awkward. That is how change begins, or [how] change feels in the beginning. And decluttering is change. What I like to say is that's a good sign when it feels uncomfortable in the beginning because you can make it mean that you are making progress, that you're moving forward, that you're actually doing something. As long as we lean into that discomfort, I promise that one baby step after another, you will lighten your home. When you lighten up your home, you tend to lighten up your body as well—a lot of my clients lose any excess weight—and you lighten up your life. So those little, baby steps—reminding yourself that decluttering is uncomfortable in the beginning and that that's okay—are some ways to get started.
Dr. Jill 11:31
I love this conversation so much.
I want to get to some of the research, physiology, and psychology behind clutter. We touched on that. But one thing touched me as you were talking about the letter. “Dr. Jill, it's your clutter.” I think that for me, this is very relevant to the busy schedule, so I'll speak on that because I don't like to have a lot of things in my space. But if you're a listener out there, if it's things at your desk and you have tons of stuff going on, all those things affect [someone]. And I want to talk to you, Heather, about why psychologically this affects us. But I want to go to the letter because I think that letter was profound. I want you, if you're listening, to think about that and maybe do the practice to get started.
Dr. Jill 12:07
But what I learned in my busy schedule was… I've done a lot of work around somatic healing and trauma and all of that, so I feel like I'm in a much better spot. But before I did this work, when I would declutter my schedule and have space, space created anxiety because I had to feel emotions that I didn't want to feel. I never practiced sadness, anger, or grief. I had 40 years—because I was about 40 years old when I started doing the work—of accumulated sadness and grief and different things. I went through cancer at 25, and I never really grieved some of those things. Keeping busy allowed me to not feel and allowed me to keep that pattern.
Dr. Jill 12:44
When I wanted to heal and go to the next level, I had to create space in order to feel again. But just like the hands, when that first started bubbling up, I thought I was going to die, literally. The tsunami of grief that came when I first opened up my schedule to sit still—which I never knew how to do, and that was from space—was so overwhelming that I thought: “This is horrible!” But guess what? Just like the uncomfortableness of decluttering, when you start to process and go through that, it gets more and more comfortable.
Dr. Jill 13:14
The very first time is very uncomfortable. To me, it felt like a tsunami wave of grief [was] coming and was going to drown me. But as I sat with it and knew I was going to be okay and let it come over me, then the next time it came, it was easier—and the next and the next and the next. I still don't like to be sad, but when that happens, now I'm really confident because I'm like: “No, no, no. I can sit with this.” That's an interesting example because it's maybe not everyone else's clutter, but speak to the psychology and the physiology behind clutter.
Heather Aardema 13:41
I will. I will in one moment.
Isn't it a gift that we get to experience every emotion in life?
Dr. Jill 13:50
Yes.
Heather Aardema 13:51
So often we're taught that we should just be happy all the time. I think that thought is clutter, personally. I am here for a full, full human experience. If I were an alien and I got the opportunity to come to Earth—I know this sounds so silly—and they said, “You can either just be happy all the time or you can experience all the feelings,” I would choose all the feelings. It helps create a complete life, I think.
Heather Aardema 14:25
Something I like to do with my clients is we will draw a circle, and we'll put a line through the circle. I'll say: “What are all the feelings you want to experience?” Put those on the right side, the positive feelings. “Engaged, excited, lifted, enthusiastic”—those are types of things that they would put on the right side of the circle. Then on the left side of the circle, I say: “What are some of the perceived negative feelings that you're willing to experience on this journey?” And it's like: “What? What?”
Heather Aardema 15:04
Decluttering can be an incredibly spiritual experience. It can be a sacred experience. “What are some of those feelings that have a heavier vibration that you're willing to experience, like discomfort, uncertainty, doubt, fear, pain, or grief? Write those down as well. Write those on the left-hand side.” As a society, we move from left to right, so to get to those higher vibrational feelings, it's natural to go through the heavier ones first. We can use that as a little bit of a roadmap to remind ourselves that it's okay.
Dr. Jill 15:43
I love that. I bet your experience with people decluttering [is that] they have some emotional releases, right?
Heather Aardema 15:48
Oh my goodness, yes, and at all stages and decades of life. It's just tremendous. It's such a gift and an honor to work with people who are curious about letting go, who want to create lightness, who are looking all around at all the heavy things, saying: “Why did I accumulate so much?” Now, I do like to say no judgment. We're not going to judge why we accumulated. That's human. It's neutral. Our clutter is neutral. It does not mean anything bad or good about us. But if we want to create that lighter life, we can.
Heather Aardema 16:27
The research—the research is fascinating and there's more and more as each month progresses. I'll share just two brief studies that I find really interesting. The first study was done where they took a group of respondents and had them work in either a messy office or a clean office for 10 minutes. Upon leaving, they were offered an apple or a candy bar. If you worked in the clean office, you were twice as likely to choose the apple over the candy bar. Our surroundings impact our decision-making. For me, it hits home. If I come into my house and there are random socks everywhere—I have two teenage boys—and I can feel the clutter, I can just feel it, I will go into the kitchen and look for some plantain chips or just look for food if I'm not even hungry. If I walk into my house and it's calm, clean, and serene, I'll probably go find the leash and take my dog for a walk.
You can feel clutter, right?
Dr. Jill 17:42
Oh, totally. That's why I love this topic because forever I have noticed I'm sensitive and [with] my workspaces—they're not perfect by any means, but I'm very diligent. And I've known the data, just like you said, for habits, which is exactly the apple and the candy bar example. Environment controls 80% of our habits. So many people are like: “Oh, I want to lose weight. I want to start exercising. I want a better work life.” It's all about your environment.
Dr. Jill 18:07
For example, if you don't have junk food in the house, you're less likely to do it. I have a pull-up bar behind me. Guess what I do when I walk through that door? I do pull-ups because it's right there. I'm like, “Oh, this will be fun.” Even if it's just one, I have all kinds of tricks that I've tricked up my environment so that I have healthier habits. And this has to do a lot to do with clutter.
Heather Aardema 18:22
I just want to commend you. I love the pull-up bar. One year, Santa, way back when, brought a pull-up bar for the kids when they were really young. Now we have a second one in our outdoor space. This is what I like to call “live by design and not default.” Design your home environment. And there's no reason it can't be a supportive, wonderful place. Why not? Why not?
Heather Aardema 18:54
You just mentioned a moment ago that you can feel the clutter in your body. That leads me to a second study. This one was some ethnographic research that was done in California. They were measuring cortisol levels—the stress hormone—with saliva samples, and they were watching and listening to the way people would talk about their clutter or their lack of clutter. It's probably not too much of a surprise, but those who perceived clutter had spikes in their cortisol levels when they were talking about it, and those who did not perceive clutter did not have the spikes.
Heather Aardema 19:34
Sometimes couples will come to me and say: “Can you help us?—because one of us feels the clutter and the other one doesn't.” It is perception at the end of the day. This is why it's so much easier to go into a neighbor's house or somebody else's house to say, “Ooh, I would get rid of this and that and that and this,” because it's what your perception is. Also, we don't have the stories that those homeowners have with their things. The research supports that if you have too many things on your desk, it will overwhelm your visual cortex and it will be hard to concentrate. There are so many different reasons for saying: “You know what? I think I'm going to adjust my clutter. I'm going to create a lighter home environment.” Tremendous benefits come from that.
Dr. Jill 20:28
Wow. I love that. And thank you for sharing the research because we all know this is very real. Maybe it's a partner or friend or something—maybe those who don't perceive it go into a hoarder's house or something or someone extreme on the clutter, and at some point, it's going to overwhelm even the least sensitive of us.
Heather Aardema 20:48
Absolutely. Also, we don't have to be a hoarder to have clutter as well. There's a huge continuum there. For most of us, this is something that we can adjust. I think with those who would identify as hoarders or collectors, it's good to work with trained people, trained therapists, and so forth. But for the rest of us, we get to be open to the idea that we can create change if we want to. There's so much we can do.
Dr. Jill 21:20
I want to talk about how people get started, but I just want to mention I probably shouldn't use that. That word “hoarder,” I think, has a lot of shame and judgment, and we just talked about not having that. Maybe people don't. But I don't want to shame anyone who has a lot of accumulation of things, so I like the ‘collector' word better.
Heather Aardema 21:36
You know what? I feel like it carries less societal baggage. However, people have said: “I self-identify as a hoarder, and I don't take any offense to it.” I think it's a neutral word. It's: How do we want to interpret it?
Dr. Jill 21:51
I have someone in my not-too-far circle who is in that category—we'll say ‘collector.' I've talked to my family about it a little bit. I have so much compassion because I know that at the root of this person's behaviors is anxiety and shame. I want to cry because I know that they want to have a healthy environment for themselves. That's why, like you said, working with a professional that can deal with the underlying… Usually, it's in the box as a medical professional of anxiety or OCD. That's the box. We don't have to label anybody, but that's stuff that you can get help for and there's no shame around it. So I really like talking about it this way because, not too far in my circle, I know someone who has dealt with this as well.
Heather Aardema 22:35
Yes. No shame whatsoever. I like to say that that's a net negative. So often we'll have the clutter and then we'll have these heavy feelings around them, so it's like we're hit twice. It's not necessary; we don't have to do that.
Dr. Jill 22:52
It's so true.
You gave me some notes before on questions and good ideas. The fear of missing out—I love that you brought that out because I wouldn't have thought of that with clutter. But why is that a key component of being able to get rid of stuff? And what's JOMO? Tell us about that.
Heather Aardema 23:10
Oh, this is so fun! My sisters are natural minimalists and so is my dad. I will tell you, I'm not a natural minimalist. I am an aspiring minimalist. I've benefited from minimalism, but I'm a maximalist. I have always loved things. I would travel the world, and I was always like: “I have to buy something to show that I was here!” I have all these stories with the things, and I had a lot of fear of missing out—FOMO. I always wanted to buy the things. I always wanted to eat everything. I always wanted to go to every party and just do it all.
Heather Aardema 23:50
I got sick. I developed some autoimmune conditions and then I later realized it was toxic mold. We've done six remediations. We've been working on this for a couple of years. My house is finally safe. I can tell. I can walk into a building and I know right away. You can blindfold me, and I can tell you where the mold is. Through this process, through this journey, I learned to let go of all the stories of my things that I was keeping—these things that weren't serving me, these things that kept me sick—and I learned to lighten my calendar and get intentional about where I would show up and when I would show up. And I learned that “No, thank you” is an acceptable response. I had been a pleaser my whole life, so that felt really awkward in the beginning.
Heather Aardema 24:59
See, you'll hear me coughing and wheezing just a little. I'm healing—excuse me again—and I'm grateful every day for this journey. It's helped me lighten up tremendously. Oh, my goodness, remind me where I'm going with this, Dr. Jill.
Dr. Jill 25:08
Fear of missing out and JOMO.
Heather Aardema 25:10
Fear of missing out. Thank you, thank you. Still a little brain fog sometimes with the toxic mold but it's getting better and better. So I had this fear of missing out, and then I realized it wasn't doing me any favors. All it was doing was creating heaviness. I was doing some reading and I came across the term called JOMO—joy of missing out. I realized that JOMO could be the perfect antidote for this FOMO. Then one of my clients said: “Heather, what about POMO—peace of missing out?” So good, right?
Heather Aardema 25:53
Here's how it works: Let's say you go to the store and there's a cute pair of pants. You get two for one or whatever it is, but you don't need the extra ones. They're cute but they don't fit exactly right. In the past, I would have bought them just because. Now I can say, “I'm not going to buy them.” The joy or the peace of not buying them means that I saved my money for a pair that fit perfectly that I love, and it means that I have more space in my closet.
Heather Aardema 26:30
This can also work with your calendar. You get a lot of invites to things. I really love the idea, and I read this in the book Essentialism by Greg McKeown—it said: “If you say yes to all the good opportunities that come your way, there won't be any room for the very few great opportunities.” The joy of not doing every single thing that you really didn't want to do anyway is that you get more space to do the very few things that you did want to do.
Dr. Jill 27:05
This is so good on so many levels and so relevant for people to hear, so thank you for sharing.
An interesting thing comes to mind. I'm going to share a little recent experience that has to do with mold and clutter in my own life. I have a storage unit and a condo that's down the hall. I moved in here about 10 years ago. I moved from a house that was larger and put old medical records, old photos, an old wedding dress, and old cheerleading uniforms in the storage unit. It wasn't full, but for 10 years living here now, I've rarely gone in there. Someone brought into that storage unit some moldy ski equipment. I don't know what it was, but all of a sudden, a couple of years ago, I would go in there for seconds, like a minute or two to grab a suitcase or something and I would get so sick. I started to realize—I'm like you, I'm like a mold dog—”Oh no, my storage unit.” It wasn't the stuff that I brought in. There are four units there, and it's an open room. All of a sudden I became so toxically sensitive to my storage unit.
Dr. Jill 28:04
I've been [saying] for the last couple of years: “What am I going to do? That stuff's in there. I don't really need any of it. I don't know if I want to get rid of it yet because it's photos and memories and things. But I'm also stuck because I can't deal with it.” Say it was just old games; I would just be like: “Get rid of it to Goodwill.” But this was my own photos, medical records, and financial documents, so it was a little bit more personal.
Dr. Jill 28:26
Here's the deal: I have the most beautiful parents in the world. They live in Illinois. They're in their 70s. They know that this was one thing I couldn't do for myself. Just this last month in August, when we were recording, they said: “Jill, what if we drove out there and took care of your storage unit?” My parents drove 16 hours, and they spent two days. You can hear me emotional. I can do a lot of stuff for myself and I am very independent. It was something I couldn't do for myself. They knew the value.
Dr. Jill 28:59
I'm mentioning this for multiple reasons—the mold thing. But also, this was offsite. I don't see it. I don't deal with it. I don't go in it more than twice a year. It's way down the hall. It doesn't affect me. But guess what? Mentally, it was a huge burden because I was like: “What am I going to do with this stuff? I don't need it. I don't want it.” Some of it I wasn't sure about. My parents drove out here. They spent two days. They're not sensitive like me. They had no trouble. Of course, they wore masks and stuff too, but even so, they were fine. They got rid of everything. They donated to Goodwill. Some of it went to my siblings. Some of it they gave away. Some of it they shredded. My dad set out and shredded papers for like two days. It was the biggest gift in the world.
Dr. Jill 29:36
And guess what? This was just a couple of weeks ago. When that happened, I had nothing to do with it because I couldn't because of my sensitivities. But after that was done, I had so many tears of joy and gratitude for them. Since that's happened, my productivity has skyrocketed.
Heather Aardema 29:52
Oh, yes!
Dr. Jill 29:56
And I'm saying this because, number one, it's this weird mold situation. Number two, it's this incredible gift. My parents saw the value. For them, there's nothing more valuable. That's worth a million dollars to me—their time, effort, and energy. I publicly have such gratitude for what they did! It changed my life because all of a sudden I'm free of that weight, that mental weight. I'd love your comments on that, but it's such a funny story and such a gift. I love them so much for doing that.
Heather Aardema 30:22
Oh my gosh. What incredible parents! I've got tears in my eyes.
Dr. Jill 30:28
And you know because of the mold thing, right?—because we have handcuffs. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it myself.
Heather Aardema 30:34
Yes. I know that I still have trauma to process from this mold journey myself. Your parents gave you the gift of lightness, and what an incredible gift that is! You also mentioned a moment ago that the room was down the hall and was full of memories and things like that, and here's what I want to say: The memories are inside of you, and you can trust that if something is important and you're meant to remember it, you will. That room is not full of memories. That room was full of stuff.
Dr. Jill 31:07
Yes. I love it.
Heather Aardema 31:12
We'll get tripped up sometimes, saying: “I can't get rid of this; it's all my memories.” Often, I work with people who have spouses who have dementia or their parents did. They're understandably very nervous about letting go of anything. What we'll end up doing is holding on to everything, thinking that we're keeping the memories. But frankly, we've got so much stuff that we're not seeing the things anyway. Often, when we do allow ourselves to let go, we give ourselves a chance to remember it again intentionally, and we can let go from a clean space.
Heather Aardema 31:52
I will tell you that for me, it was harder to let go of my book collection than it was of my wedding dress. The wedding to me was a fun dress that I got to wear. Now somebody else could wear it if they wanted to—somebody who doesn't have issues with toxic mold. And I had all these stories in my books about who I was and what these books said about me. That was an interesting exercise to confront: “No, the books actually are paper, ink, and glue. Heather, are you going to let some paper, ink, and glue keep you sick? No!” We get to let go of these things that our body is sensitive to.
Heather Aardema 32:44
And sometimes it's not just the physical—the clutter, the toxic mold. Often, my clients will lose their excess weight as well. The reason why is because they realize that anything that they're taking into their body is clutter if they are sensitive to it. And all of a sudden, losing weight is no longer personal. It's: “Nope, I'm decluttering my diet. I want to feel light. I'm taking the lighter path.” When we take this lighter path, we let go of all the judgment and all the shame that we should be somewhere else, that we should look some other way, or that we should look different. We just show up in a way of integrity, in a way of design, in a way of lightness, and everything gets better.
Dr. Jill 33:31
Wow. I love that. And I love that you, like me, have used the mold illness journey to transform your life and find another meaning, purpose, and calling where you're really helping people literally lighten their load.
Dr. Jill 33:44
I'll never forget: In my old office, where I had mold issues seven or eight years ago, my medical school books and all my books were the hardest things to get rid of. But once again, now that it's gone, I don't miss it. I don't have any regrets. Since that time, I've had dozens of patients who I've talked to who love books like me and you. We've talked through that process. Books tend to be very sticky for mycotoxins, so they're one of the things that you probably should get rid of. Mattresses and books are no-brainers. The rest, sometimes you can clean. But anyway, back to the books. So now I've been able to have that conversation just like you had with us here: “What does that really matter with your health?”
Dr. Jill 34:26
And, Heather, there's a recent colleague of mine who died in a moldy home. I spoke to him just a week before his death. He left me a message saying, “Jill, this mold is killing me.” On the phone call, he said: “Dr. Jill, do I really have to get rid of my books? And do I really have to leave this house?” We had a very candid conversation. I said: “Yes, I'm so sorry to say you do.” Who knows the timing of what and how it happened? But on the day he was supposed to move out, he passed away in his bed.
Dr. Jill 34:59
That's why I'm so bold nowadays with patients with moldy books or moldy materials that they're afraid to get rid of. I'm like: “No, no, no. Your health is so much more important.” If you're listening right now and you've been through mold and are still attached to some of those things, nothing is worth your health. Heather, you can chime in because you've been through this.
Heather Aardema 35:18
Oh my goodness, yes. I will tell you, on my own personal journey, I had so many questions of self-worth. I have always been a really confident person, an optimistic person. I was the only one in my household who got sick, and there are four of us. I will say, I'm grateful to my family that we got to where we are. We let go of everything. We started over, and it was not an inexpensive experience. There had to be a lot of trust, I'll say.
Heather Aardema 35:56
Two thoughts here: One, children—children can be our teachers. Often people will say: “Oh my gosh, my kids—it's going to be so hard for them to declutter.” My kids got rid of all of their things. All of their art, all of their paper. I said: “Thank you so much!” They said: “Mom, if this will get you better, this is not a big deal.” So, often, as adults, we will make things big deals that don't have to be a big deal.
Heather Aardema 36:23
The other thing I want to share about this is that I mentioned there's got to be some trust. Though there doesn't have to be trust, trust makes things lighter and easier. One evening, my husband and I were going to bed; the lights were out. My husband brought up finances. This is the last thing you want to talk about right before you're going to sleep. Toxic mold is no joke when it comes to finances. I went to bed that night and fell asleep, and I had one of the most profound experiences of my life. It was at 1:00 o'clock in the morning and I only know because I opened up my eyes afterwards. Right at 1:00 o'clock in the morning, the word ‘trust' went through every single cell of my body. It was this very deep, commanding voice. What I saw might sound really crazy, but I was out in the stars and felt this incredible sense of warmth, love, and connectedness. I opened up my eyes. I saw the clock was 1:00 o'clock. I said the word ‘trust' out loud because I was like, “What just happened to me?” So I said the word ‘trust' just to center myself and get myself back into the bedroom.
Heather Aardema 37:55
This was a couple of years ago that this happened. From that point forward, I have been able to trust unequivocally. It has been the biggest gift of my life. I can say—going through toxic mold, going through autoimmune conditions, and all the other things that come along for the ride—that because of that experience, I know everything will always be okay, that I get to interpret my life and the circumstances, and I can either go heavy or I can go light. And this is for all of us. We can go heavy. We can go light with anything.
Heather Aardema 38:40
My son's soccer coach has a Jeep, and there's a bumper sticker on the back. The bumper sticker says, “It's probably fine.” If we allow ourselves to even believe that bumper sticker—”It's probably fine”—that can create so much lightness in all of us. We can give ourselves that gift of trust. If we trust, we open up the door to a lighter experience, to more possibility, and to things that we can't even imagine.
Heather Aardema 39:20
I mentioned that back in my corporate days, toward the end, the work I was doing was meaningful to my clients, but it was not really meaningful to me. Often, I would sit up in bed just thinking: “What can I do? Why am I here? What is my purpose? This is not my purpose!” I will just say that the experience that I've had has been the biggest blessing, the biggest gift of my life. I feel so grateful that I get to do what I get to do (I get to help others take that lighter path, see that lighter path), know that it's an option and a choice and that the clutter and the distraction are all optional—we can let it go; we really, truly can lean into our full potential or that next best version—and that it's never too late. I work with some people who are in their 90s. It is never too late to identify our clutter and decide to let it go.
Dr. Jill 40:31
Wow. Oh my goodness. You have so many pearls. I was going to ask you to close with some hope, and you just did it so perfectly. “It's probably okay.” I love, love that. And the story of trust—what a beautiful thing! And you clearly are now in your divine purpose and the way that you're supposed to be in the world. Not that you weren't before, but that's how we always transform, right?
Dr. Jill 40:54
For those listening, I have a lot of people who've dealt with toxic mold and autoimmunity. If you're listening out there, there is always hope. Part of it comes through Heather's words and path. Number one, “It's probably okay.” Number two, the trust. I love that. Heather, thank you for using tragedy and difficult circumstances in your own life to inspire others, including everybody listening today. I appreciate you so much. It's been an absolute joy getting to know you.
Heather Aardema 41:21
Aw, thank you so much for giving me the gift of this time with you, and thank you so much.
Dr. Jill 41:27
You're welcome. Thanks again, Heather. And let us know where we can find you. Where's your website? Do you have any programs coming up?
Heather Aardema 41:34
Oh, absolutely. You can find me at schooloflivinglighter.com. Facebook is the same. Instagram is @heatheraardema, it's my name. And I often do decluttering masterclasses or webinars, so I'll share a link. People can sign up for the next class if they would like to create that lighter life.
Dr. Jill 41:59
I love it. So be sure to go to schooloflivinglighter.com. I'll be sure to include that note and link in the notes.
And thank you everyone for tuning in again to another episode of Resiliency Radio. As you know, you can find all the transcripts and all previous episodes on either YouTube, Stitcher, or iTunes—wherever you find episodes or listen to podcasts. You can also go to my website, JillCarnahan.com. And if you haven't heard the movie, the documentary Doctor/Patient is out. It's available online streaming at DrPatientMovie.com, so be sure to check that out. Let me know what you think.
Thanks again for joining us and thank you again, Heather.
Heather Aardema 42:36
Aw, thank you so much.
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