In this episode of Resiliency Radio with Dr. Jill, Dr. Jill Carnahan sits down with author, speaker, and resilience advocate Ken Miller to explore one of the most powerful forces in healing—the ability to rewrite your story.
From childhood trauma and foster care to addiction, homelessness, incarceration, and ultimately a life of purpose, Ken shares his remarkable journey of transformation. Through faith, forgiveness, community, and intentional living, he demonstrates that no matter where your story begins, healing and resilience are always possible.
Whether you're navigating personal adversity, recovering from trauma, or seeking greater purpose, this inspiring conversation offers hope, practical wisdom,
🔑 5 Key Discussions You'll Discover with Ken Miller
① 🌱 From Trauma to Transformation
⇨ Ken shares his journey through foster care, childhood trauma, addiction, and incarceration.
⇨ His story demonstrates that even life's darkest moments can become the foundation for healing and purpose.
② ❤️ The Healing Power of Forgiveness
⇨ Forgiving others—and yourself—is essential for lasting emotional freedom.
⇨ Bringing hidden pain into the light allows true healing to begin.
③ 🙏 Faith, Identity & Resilience
⇨ A profound spiritual awakening became the turning point in Ken's recovery.
⇨ Living with purpose, gratitude, and hope continues to guide his daily life.
④ 🤝 Community, Mentorship & Connection
⇨ Healing happens through relationships, mentorship, and shared experiences.
⇨ Ken discusses the importance of investing in future generations through leadership and community.
⑤ 🚀 Rewriting Your Story
⇨ Every person has the ability to move beyond past circumstances.
⇨ Small daily choices can create lasting transformation and a life filled with purpose.
🔑 Key Takeaways with Ken Miller
🔹 Your past does not determine your future.
🔹 Healing begins with honesty, forgiveness, and self-acceptance.
🔹 Faith and resilience can transform even the most difficult circumstances.
🔹 Community and mentorship are powerful catalysts for growth.
🔹 Everyone has the ability to rewrite their story and create a meaningful life.
About Ken Miller
Ken Miller, CFRE is an internationally recognized speaker, trainer, consultant, and author of Becoming Ken. After overcoming childhood trauma, addiction, homelessness, and incarceration, Ken has dedicated his life to helping others discover resilience, purpose, and lasting transformation.
A passionate mentor and leadership educator, Ken serves as an AFP Faculty Trainer, former AFP Global Board Member, and co-founder of Men of Color in Development (MOCID). Through his speaking, writing, and mentorship, he inspires individuals and organizations to embrace resilience, ethical leadership, and personal growth.
🔗 Website: https://www.kenmillerspeaks.com
🔗 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kenmiller84
🔗 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ken.miller.10420321
🔗 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kenmiller1984/
📚 Featured Book: Becoming Ken: https://kenmillerspeaks.com/
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD – Leading Functional Medicine Doctor
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD, ABIHM, ABoIM, IFMCP is internationally recognized as one of the most respected leaders in functional and integrative medicine. She is dually board-certified in Family Medicine and Integrative Holistic Medicine, and the founder and medical director of Flatiron Functional Medicine in Louisville, Colorado.
Widely known as a pioneer in environmental toxicity, mold-related illness, autoimmune disease, and resilience medicine, Dr. Carnahan combines cutting-edge science with compassionate, root-cause care. Her clinical approach integrates precision genomics, epigenetics, microbiome research, peptide therapy, and lifestyle interventions to transform health outcomes for patients worldwide.
She is the author of the best-selling memoir Unexpected, which weaves her personal journey through cancer, Crohn’s disease, and mold-related illness with her professional expertise. Dr. Carnahan is also the executive producer of the award-winning documentary Doctor/Patient and the host of the popular podcast Resiliency Radio, which reaches over 500,000 global subscribers.
As an international keynote speaker, Dr. Carnahan has been featured at leading medical conferences including A4M, IFM, EPIC, and IPM Congress, and her work is frequently highlighted in major media outlets such as NBC, CBS, Fox News, Forbes, Parade, People, and MindBodyGreen.
With a reputation as both a scientist and a healer, Dr. Jill Carnahan is regarded as one of the top functional medicine doctors in the world, offering a unique blend of evidence-based research, innovation, and deeply personalized care.
The Podcast with Ken Miller
The Video with Ken Miller
Transcript
00:00
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Hey, everybody. Welcome to Resiliency Radio, your go to podcast for the most cutting edge insights integrative and functional medicine. I'm your host, Dr. Jill, and in each episode we dive into the heart of healing and personal transformation. Join me as I interview world leaders, medical experts, innovators of all types. And today is no different. Although you're going to hear a very poignant story from Ken Miller about his transformational life and his journey into drug and alcohol abuse and even worse, and how he went to the pit and then came back up. And now he is transforming and helping other men to navigate emotions and trauma and all the many things that he has been through. I know you're going to enjoy this heartfelt journey today, so please stay tuned and I'll introduce him in just a moment.
00:47
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Before I do, just a reminder, you can find products and services@drjillhealth.com especially our Dr. Jo beauty products have some of my very favorites. Here is the sheer tinted defense wonderful summer formula you can put on your face. It's tinted so that's all you need. No other makeup. I love wearing that when I go out for a run or a hike. And you could find that@doctor Jill health.com okay, let me introduce our guest. Dr. Ken Miller is a dynamic teacher, speaker, author and consultant. In addition to his role as consultant, he is faculty trainer and former global member and African American Development officers board members and the co founder of Men of Color in Development. Ken is dedicated to mentoring young professionals, bringing a personal commitment to education and empowerment with a strong focus on resilience.
01:32
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
The title of our show, Ken's Own Journey from Recovery to Professional Success, underscores his keynotes on topics such as resilience in the face of unknown. You're going to love this episode. Let's get right to it and interview Ken Miller. Ken, it is an absolute delight to have you on Resiliency Radio. And the title is going to allude a lot to your story, which is one reason I was like, he's going to be a great guest. I'm so excited to learn more. And one of the best things about being a podcast interviewer is I get to meet amazing people. And I have a suspicion that today is going to be another one of those episodes to meet someone really cool as yourself and to get to know you because I don't know a ton of your background, but I'm excited. Let's start right in though.
02:13
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Tell us a little bit about your story and your recovery to resilience. You have a Book titled Becoming Ken. Tell us about that backstory of where you came from and. And how that transformed your life.
02:27
Ken Miller
So, first of all, thank you for the opportunity to share and thank you for the listeners that are listening to this podcast. My name is Ken Miller. I live in Blaine, Washington. I'm 63 years old today.
02:39
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Oh, happy birthday. What an honor.
02:42
Ken Miller
I mean, today it's not a birthday,.
02:46
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
But you are. Okay, got it. Okay, today.
02:48
Ken Miller
Beautiful.
02:49
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Got it.
02:51
Ken Miller
So 63 years ago in New York, my mom was a white teenage runaway in Queens, New York, and she had an interaction with my father, who was a black married pimp and drug dealer. And I am the union of that. Of those two. She was a teenage girl. He was in his 30s. And she put me up for adoption at birth and put me into the foster care system. And of course, I didn't know this for many years. And all I do remember is when I was four years old, I knew I didn't have a mom. That was probably the most important thing. I knew I did not have a mother. And I would go and bounce between foster homes. And I did that for a few years until I was adopted by Irene and Sam Miller.
03:42
Ken Miller
And this was summer of 69 or fall 69. And when I got adopted at age 6, I couldn't read, I couldn't write, I couldn't tell time, I couldn't tie my shoes because the foster parents were not teaching that, if you can call them parents. I was a ward of the state and I was put into these different foster homes. So. So my mom taught me to read that first summer. I remember. Never forget that. Phinex 3 by 5 cards. Th ph and I learned how to read and fell in love with reading. By the time I was 12, I was moved to Anchorage, Alaska. My mother and I moved to Anchorage, Alaska. Actually, a good part of that was a getaway from my father. Moved up there, went to high school, junior high, and then I was a national merit scholar.
04:32
Ken Miller
I was a. I was accepted to Dartmouth College and went there, accepted also to Harvard, but I chose Dartmouth and began my journey in college. And that was a big part of my. My childhood.
04:48
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
So amazing to go from that and to again, there's so much that I want to uncover with the resilience and just having had a first four. You were adopted at six or four?
05:01
Ken Miller
I was adopted at six, but I can't remember.
05:03
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah, okay, got it. Because that's really the mother figure. And not having that as a young child is such a powerful. From what I've heard of trauma, and the data on trauma is 0 to 2 years old. Matters far more than 2 to 18. So clearly this could have affected you. And yet you went on to, you know, have a choice between Dartmouth and Harvard. How did you, in your teenage and younger years understand this as you do now? And when did the transformation really occur? Because I'm sure there was a lot of healing to take place and clearly you had a good role model in the process, too. Tell us a little bit more about that journey.
05:42
Ken Miller
The transformation didn't happen until 48. So I went to college broken. I was broken. I was broken emotionally. I was broken because I lived in so much fear.
05:54
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
05:55
Ken Miller
So I just. Tremendous amount of fear. My last five months of my high school senior year, I was in hiding from my father because he had beat me so badly. Cops were called and we ran. Wow. And rented an apartment because I had a beautiful house. Our parents. My parents were middle class, solid middle class. So I went to college broken. I was 17 years old. I didn't know who I was. I didn't know my identity. And I was very immature. And I go into this world that many of the other students, I felt had it all together.
06:37
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes.
06:38
Ken Miller
Because they were preps. I had never seen a prep. I didn't know there was no preps in Anchorage, Alaska. Nobody was going to Andover or Brooks or, you know, Ms. Porter's school. And so I'm looking at these other students. I thought they had it all together. I thought they didn't have a problem because they're preps and, you know, their parents are coming to visit them on homecoming and weekends. And so I struggled and I struggled with my identity of my black. And I hang out white. You know, I went to Dartmouth. I had a jean jacket that had heavy metal bands on it, you know, because that's a lot of the music I grew up with.
07:13
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
07:15
Ken Miller
And so I didn't know really who to associate with. And then I was introduced to drinking because that's what you do in college.
07:23
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
07:23
Ken Miller
And drugs. And I became an alcoholic very quickly. And that was. It caused me a lot of harm. The drug addiction, obviously, was to cause me a lot of harm. And. But I remained throughout college. And this is important that I. You say trauma. I love the term broken because that's really what I was. I was broken. And I didn't know how to navigate the world well. And more importantly, I didn't know how to navigate my feelings and. Or my self esteem. It was very low, very lacking. And Therefore, it's a lot of deflection. So I took it out on others and self harm was very prevalent. And then when I graduated from college, my graduation present was my first treatment center. My mother gave that as a gift to me. That was the first of 14 treatment centers.
08:24
Ken Miller
We didn't know that at the time.
08:25
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
08:26
Ken Miller
But in fact, I don't even count that one. It was an outpatient. I did 14 inpatient treatment centers. And so. But I did get sober. So I got supper for a couple years and then I got out in 84 and 85. My mom. My dad shot my mom six times. And I had to deal with that situation. And I mean deal with it because there was a lot of emotions connected with it. It was a lot of guilt.
08:51
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
08:51
Ken Miller
Because I had seen the gun and I had an opportunity to take the gun from my father and I did not. And so I had a lot of guilt with that and it wasn't my fault. But at that time, you know, I could use that as another way to devalue myself. And so I didn't deal with that situation well at all. And because I had coping mechanisms to deal with. Literally the violence.
09:19
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
09:20
Ken Miller
That I saw and the self doubt that I saw in the self anger and low self esteem. So I. But I had. And what we do is we create coping mechanisms. So mine was to shut down. And I didn't even use. But I would shut down. So even when the situation happened, I'm at work, corporate. Great job, making a lot of money for a 22 year old. Anyway, so I'm at work and I get a call and it's my mom's secretary. She ran the schools of nursing for the college up there. And she was the coordinator, administrator, the dean of nursing. And she said, kenneth, you need to go to Providence. Sam shot Irene. Sam shot Irene. And this is the part I talk about how I dealt with things. And I said, okay.
10:11
Ken Miller
I got off the phone, I went to my boss, I said, hey, Bobby, do you mind if I go to my hospital? Go to the hospital. My dad shot my mom. He freaks out, but I have no emotion.
10:24
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Right.
10:25
Ken Miller
I go to the hospital and of course, whatever, whatever you need.
10:28
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
10:29
Ken Miller
I go to the hospital. She's lying on a, on a table or gurney.
10:32
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
10:33
Ken Miller
And there's blood coming through the sheets. This is pre op.
10:36
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Oh.
10:37
Ken Miller
And because he had shot her six. Hit her five times. Oh, miss once. Hit her five times. And she's just relieved that I'm alive because as he was Shooting her. He said, I'm going to shoot that SOP Ken going. He was gonna go to my job and shoot me.
10:56
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
10:56
Ken Miller
But the gun jammed.
10:58
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Wow.
10:59
Ken Miller
So I go there and I look at her. I said, anything I can do? And she said, yeah, grab my purse and grab my shoes. And she was mad because they cut her shoes and she had some beautiful shoes. She was mad about that. Interesting.
11:12
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Remember memories, right?
11:13
Ken Miller
Yeah, yeah. Because, you know, EMT cutter shoes.
11:16
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
11:17
Ken Miller
And I said, okay. And I turned around, walked out, went back to work, and went back to work like nothing had happened.
11:24
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Oh.
11:25
Ken Miller
No emotion? No. No tears, no anger, nothing. But that's how I dealt with.
11:30
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes. Yes.
11:31
Ken Miller
And it took me years. I remember I went to family with my mother one time. You know, one of my treatments.
11:38
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
11:38
Ken Miller
If I have a beautiful picture of us at that family at Kopak in Brandon, Mississippi. And anyway, she was telling how hurt she was. She thought I didn't care.
11:49
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Oh.
11:51
Ken Miller
And I said, no, I thought I didn't care. I just couldn't show emotion. I saw a guy get ran over by a truck.
11:57
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Oh.
11:58
Ken Miller
I had no emotion. Wow. I just walked up to him. He was in shock because he had run over. And I'm like, hey, you all right? He wasn't. And. But I had no emotion. But that's how I dealt with that because that's the way I internalized the beatings and the violence. So I. I let's forward on. So that happens a year later. I believe that I am not an alcoholic anymore because I didn't have a long time drinking, and I had no problems at that point talking about financial and. Or relationship problems. So I went out and had a Blue Hawaiian in Waikiki on vacation. And it was the beginning of. That was 1986, August. And until January 2007, I was either homeless, in treatment, in a halfway house, in jail, or in prison.
12:56
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Wow.
12:57
Ken Miller
For the next 21 years.
12:58
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Hey, guys, Sorry to interrupt this episode, but I just want to mention, if you haven't read my own transformational journey in Unexpected, you can find that wherever books are sold. You can also find it on Audio, Audible or Spotify or anywhere audiobooks are sold. Please check it out, share it with someone who needs encouragement. You can also get a signed copy if you order from drjillhealth.com and just put in the note who you want assigned to, and we'll send it right out. Okay. Let's get back to our story with Ken Miller. Unbelievable. So I want to go back because you're giving Us so much information, and someone out there listening might be like, wow, Ken, you've been through a lot, and it's so true.
13:35
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
But what I know you and I believe is, like, most people have unresolved things that they haven't dealt with, and we all have coping mechanisms, like you said. And granted, yours is dramatic, and I can't even imagine how it was. If you look back at your, you know, four or five year old self, when did you start having to. And then maybe obviously when you were adopted and in that situation with your dad, who was. Sounds like very abusive when looking back from the lens of yourself now, when did you start to either dissociate or try to kind of shut that down in order to survive? And I love framing it that way because when we look back at trauma, often the things that we're coping, they start by helping us survive in a horrific situation, and then they become maladaptive. Right.
14:20
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
I just wonder with your lens now, looking back, what things led to. Because I'm sure even the foster stuff was difficult. And then. Right.
14:29
Ken Miller
The foster stuff wasn't that difficult.
14:31
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Okay.
14:31
Ken Miller
Because again, I'm four and five years old. All I want to do is play. Exactly.
14:36
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
And you don't remember as much, but then again.
14:38
Ken Miller
Yeah. Right. And. But I do remember.
14:40
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
14:40
Ken Miller
Well, I remember when I left the home we had been in for a length of time, so I thought I had parents.
14:46
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
14:46
Ken Miller
I had these parents and I had these sisters.
14:49
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes.
14:49
Ken Miller
And then one day we get to knock on the door and this lady in a 1965 Mustang. Ford Mustang. Social worker.
14:58
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
14:59
Ken Miller
Came to grab me and my brother.
15:00
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Oh.
15:01
Ken Miller
And I remember the sisters who are like teenagers, all crying.
15:05
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Oh, yeah.
15:07
Ken Miller
And we're four years old.
15:08
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
15:09
Ken Miller
And I'm like, why are y' all crying?
15:12
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
15:12
Ken Miller
And then you gotta go with this white lady.
15:15
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah. Yeah.
15:16
Ken Miller
Like, why are we going with this? And she was young.
15:18
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
15:18
Ken Miller
I would love to meet her. I don't even know her name, but even went off.
15:23
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
15:24
Ken Miller
We're just surprised because we're, like, taken away from what we believe.
15:28
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Exactly, exactly.
15:30
Ken Miller
And they're crying because they, you know, loved us. Good kids.
15:34
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
15:34
Ken Miller
And so went to multiple foster, me and my brother and Jacob. And then went to the Turleys in Amityville, New York.
15:45
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
15:46
Ken Miller
And. But all this time, I just wanted a mom. I knew that because I knew I didn't have a mother. And. And then I get adopted, but Jacob doesn't get adopted. I thought he was my brother. He wasn't my Brother. I thought he was, but went together all the time. To this day, I've been looking for him. I cannot find him. And that's. You know, you mentioned the word. There's a thing in life called unfinished business. And I only have like two or three unfinished business. Yeah. And there's some amends I want to make. And then I also want to. I want to see my. My bro. My brother.
16:22
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah. Well, who knows how that'll happen. But I think that.
16:26
Ken Miller
I think it will happen.
16:26
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
I do too. I do too. So then you get, obviously your situation with your. Your parents that adopted and horrific violence and.
16:34
Ken Miller
Right.
16:35
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
You started to shut down.
16:36
Ken Miller
Yes.
16:37
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
16:37
Ken Miller
And you understand what the shutdown means? And what. So what was the maladaptive.
16:42
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes.
16:43
Ken Miller
Behavior that I engaged in to try to lessen the trauma? Yeah.
16:49
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
16:49
Ken Miller
Okay. So number one, and I'm still, to this day, I'm very ordered.
16:54
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes.
16:54
Ken Miller
I mean, ordered to the nth degree because disorder gave my father an excuse to beat me.
17:03
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Oh, wow.
17:04
Ken Miller
So my bed was perfect. I had no toys out. I mean, it.
17:09
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
17:09
Ken Miller
If you looked at where I'm sitting right now, I have one pen, one writing pad, my speakers, my. My screen.
17:19
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah. Yeah.
17:19
Ken Miller
I mean, that's it.
17:20
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Still exactly.
17:21
Ken Miller
Super ordered. I'm minimalist because I used to. It got so bad. I would make my bed so tightly and then I would slide myself. This is. As a child of 9 and 10, I would slide myself in, I'd go to sleep, and it's super tight.
17:40
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
17:41
Ken Miller
And then I would wake up, slide myself out, and literally I could just pat down the bed and the bed would be perfect made.
17:47
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Oh, my God.
17:48
Ken Miller
I'd have been great in the military. So that's one.
17:53
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
17:54
Ken Miller
This is the really bad. One of the bad ones. That one is just. I look a little weird. It's not obsessive compulsive. Right. Just. I just love order. Yeah. I'm very comfortable in an order. Because disorder.
18:09
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
18:09
Ken Miller
Is I. I foresee conflict.
18:12
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes.
18:13
Ken Miller
Okay. And I got to put everything in order.
18:15
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Okay.
18:16
Ken Miller
The real bad one, at age probably 7. So I get adopted at 6. By 7, I learned how to lie. I learned the power of dishonesty. So my father would come home, he'd be drunk, and he's like, did you do xyz?
18:36
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
18:37
Ken Miller
The truth is, I didn't do it. It was a chore. Yeah. I'm an eight year old kid.
18:42
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
18:42
Ken Miller
And I would lie and say yes. And I learned to do that in all of my engagements with everyone. Lied to my mother, I lied to my dad, I lied to the teachers, I lied. The other thing is that we have a thing called deflection. And what I would do is I had so much pain in me, so much anger in me, so much fear in me, that I would then take it out on others. I would deflect that pain. And I had so much behavior issues in school. Now I'm getting like straight A's. I mean, literally by the second grade, I'm reading at the sixth grade level.
19:19
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Wow.
19:20
Ken Miller
In one year.
19:21
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
19:21
Ken Miller
I've never forget we got tested and. But I had all these. So I would bring these report cards home and. And remember, I know how to lie. I'm the only black kid in the school. So I come home and they're like, why are you getting all these unsatisfactories and incompletes? That was the thing, the you. And I said, oh, because I'm black. Yeah. I knew how to run that line. You know, they're picking up because I'm different than everybody else in the class. Right. Oh, okay. Well, finally they took me to a psychiatrist or psychologist or counselor. And I didn't know this for years.
19:56
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
19:57
Ken Miller
But my mother told me they only went once. And I said, well, you know. She said, you know what happened? I said, no. I said, well, you went and talked to him alone. Yeah, for a half hour. Hour. I don't remember what I said. And. And the psychologist then brought us in, the parents, and they said, the reason that Kenneth is acting out is that he has so much anger at you, Sam, for which. How you treat him.
20:21
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
20:22
Ken Miller
Okay. And therefore, he's. He's displacing it onto these other children. And my dad didn't like that answer.
20:31
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
I bet not.
20:31
Ken Miller
Oh, he did not like that answer. So that was another mal. Adapt Adaptive. And then the other one is what I learned to do is so many. So another one I learned to do is not show pain.
20:46
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes.
20:46
Ken Miller
Not show.
20:47
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Right.
20:48
Ken Miller
The pain. It was like I wouldn't give him the pleasure of the, you know, seeing the pain, but I end up, you know, screaming, whatever.
20:56
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
20:58
Ken Miller
I hate that. I don't want to trigger anybody by, you know, explaining how my father beat me. I don't. But I'll just give one example. I'm not going to give all of them. What my father would do to me is he'd be drunk and he'd be standing and I'd be like 10ft away from him. And he said, kenneth, come here. Kenneth, come here. I always use My full name, Kenneth. And I take another step. Now I'm like a foot away from me. And. And he'd always say this. Look at me. And I would look at. I'd look at him, look up at him. And that's when he would hit me. He would hit me across the face, but he would make sure I was looking at him.
21:36
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
21:37
Ken Miller
Okay. Because he went. And he just. He was old school and, you know, and it. It. Please hear this. I want the audience to hear this. I want you to hear this. I forgiven my father. I understand a lot of why he did what he did. I understand.
21:55
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Right. Gig Tran. And whether it's truly generational, genetic, or just passed down from patterns, it is so often when there's trauma like that, no excuses, but we can look with compassion like you're doing, which is beautiful. It takes a mature man to do that.
22:10
Ken Miller
Yes, it does.
22:11
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
He was broken, too. Right. He had. And again, no excuses for that. Not excusing that behavior at all. But how beautiful that you can now look back and have compassion for his.
22:21
Ken Miller
But I understand it. Yeah. We don't. You know, we say we forgive. I forgive the person. And I want to get into, you know, into semantics here, but do we forgive the act?
22:33
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
22:35
Ken Miller
Many things that he did were beyond the pale. Shooting my mom. Beyond the pale.
22:40
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
22:41
Ken Miller
Some of the beatings he gave me. Beyond the pale.
22:43
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
22:45
Ken Miller
But as a person, as a child of God, as a human being, I forgive him.
22:50
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
22:51
Ken Miller
I had to do that so I could forgive myself.
22:54
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes. Yes. Otherwise, you're carrying.
22:56
Ken Miller
I got.
22:56
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
I got to think about this one.
22:58
Ken Miller
Yeah. Because I got to be honest with you. I've. I've done worse than my father.
23:02
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
23:03
Ken Miller
Well, no, I never shot anybody. I went to shoot people on three. Two occasions I went to shoot someone. One I tried to throw off a third floor of a balcony.
23:12
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Oh, boy.
23:12
Ken Miller
Yeah.
23:13
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Well. And again the patterns. Until we learn better. And. Yeah, right. It's. It's this perpetuated, and so it's up to us to say, okay, what can we do? So then you got. You were an alcoholic and rehab and in prison and in. And then in your 40s, what happened? What shift? At what moment did the things start to shift for you? Was there an insight? Was there a recognition? Was there a spiritual awakening? What piece happened for you that really above.
23:41
Ken Miller
Yeah, this is. This is what happens. So you're an addict, you're an alcoholic. In a ways, mine was almost. I don't want to make mine worse than anybody's. It was worse than many because I had been at this level.
24:00
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes. Yeah.
24:01
Ken Miller
It's different when you're in the hood and you've never risen.
24:05
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
24:05
Ken Miller
Above a certain level. But you gotta say, I'm 50. I was 22 years old making $50,000 a year. At 20, that was a lot of money. Yeah. That'd be like, I'm out of college one year and I'm making 200,000.
24:21
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Right.
24:22
Ken Miller
Pretty much today.
24:23
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
24:24
Ken Miller
I bought a brand new car for eight grand.
24:26
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Exactly. Okay.
24:27
Ken Miller
So yeah.
24:28
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
24:29
Ken Miller
And plus I'm six foot two, I have modeled, I was in a movie. I, I had it going on. I'm an idylly graduate. Right. So I had all these pluses and people's foresaw great things for me. Okay. And then next thing I know, I am living in an abandoned home house. I'm living on a piece of cardboard. I'm in a mission, I'm in a soup kitchen.
25:01
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
25:01
Ken Miller
I'm out there engaging in behavior that is so devaluing of me as a person. And I didn't grow up this way. My mom was a beautiful, spiritual, loving, kind, gentle woman. And so I knew the right way and I had friends who were beautiful. To this day I saw some of the same friends that were beautiful people. So it's not like I didn't have any examples. Yeah, let's put that out of there. Now I did have my father as an example. But like the last thing I want to do is be. Like my father couldn't believe when I was an alcoholic, I was like, the last thing I wanted to be was an alcoholic. Because I saw my father, I was alcoholic two months after my first drink.
25:44
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Wow.
25:45
Ken Miller
Full blown. So here I am, homeless, on the street, engaging in behavior that devalues me and is a blow to my self esteem. We talk about the death of a thousand cuts.
25:59
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
26:00
Ken Miller
So what does that mean? I mean, I'm taking these body blows because I'm doing things that I know are against my values, my ethics, my morals, and I'm doing them to myself and to others. So you have a succession of these. It builds up, it builds up. And then what becomes happens is either the system stops you, the streets stop you, or you stop yourself.
26:32
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
26:33
Ken Miller
So I've tried to kill myself three times. Okay. And got close one time. And then the day it physically stopped for me, I was suicidal that day, September 22, 2004. And you know, I got arrested for sales of a controlled substance, a ten dollar rock of crack cocaine. And I was sentenced to six years in the penitentiary. But just please understand this, dear listeners. Today I got arrested. Was one of the greatest days of my life. And I knew it then. I was crying. I was bawling in handcuffs, waiting for the paddy wagon to pick me up. And the cop came to me and he's like, why are you crying? Because he thought something. Maybe I was injured or something. Because I was injured. My jaw was wired shut. I had gotten my jaw broken twice in the month before.
27:36
Ken Miller
And I said, I'm crying because I'm going to live.
27:39
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Wow.
27:39
Ken Miller
I can do prison. I can do jail. Been there twice. I've been to jail 20 times. I can do that. I can't do me on the streets.
27:47
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
27:48
Ken Miller
And you guys are going to provide food, shelter, basketball, bid whisk, you know. You know, the things I do in the penitentiary. I didn't know it was going for that long.
27:59
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Right.
28:00
Ken Miller
Yeah. And, you know, I laugh about it today because I can laugh at myself. It's a beautiful experience to laugh at yourself and the absurdity and the insanity of how you live.
28:12
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
28:13
Ken Miller
So that was the day. September 23rd. The day I celebrated my Annabelle coming up on 22 years of being clean and sober. But that's one part. Yeah. There's four aspects of the human condition. There's the physical, there's the emotional, there's the intellectual, and there's the spiritual. Yeah. And my gas tank was depleted in all of them.
28:39
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes.
28:40
Ken Miller
Everyone. I had maybe on a scale of one to 100, I had. My spiritual was like a one or two. I'm serious. We called the monsters.
28:50
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
I totally get it now. Do you think looking back, I mean, many times in my life where I look back and I'm like, that was a divine intervention. That was something. And just like you standing there, the Patty wake and crying, and maybe you don't put that much emphasis on it, but there was clearly something that shifted that day. And how long did it take you for to try to really understand what had happened? And obviously, did you become clean from that moment on when you were in prison?
29:16
Ken Miller
I became. There's a difference. Is a physical clean?
29:19
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes.
29:20
Ken Miller
And then there is, in a way, you could say a spiritual clean. Yes. And so I get arrested. September 22nd, I go into what they call unit one. September 23rd, you get processed, and then you go from unit one in jail to a pod. And I remember I was in unit 13.
29:44
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
29:44
Ken Miller
Par Boulevard, Sparks, Nevada. You know, it's an Areno, Nevada area. And I was laying on my bunk and it was probably late October. And God spoke to me as I'm laying on my bunk. It's internal.
29:59
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
29:59
Ken Miller
But he spoke to me. And the guy had been speaking to me through. I just wasn't listening.
30:04
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Right. Truth, isn't it?
30:07
Ken Miller
Yeah, it's truth.
30:10
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
And.
30:11
Ken Miller
And, you know, I always tell people the message was very simple. And the message was this. It's not going to be easy. It's not going to be without discomfort or pain, but I will be there.
30:22
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes.
30:24
Ken Miller
Believe in me. Have faith in me. Trust in me, and we'll get to the other side. And ever since that day, I haven't wanted to use. But it doesn't mean I didn't do work. I'm in the anonymous program. I still did. I did. But ever since then, I have felt that I can handle anything in my life. Anything. Doesn't mean I have no fear. No. But the fears are. On a scale of 1 to 10. I don't have nines and tens anymore. Yeah. I think I've had nines. And let's scale of 1 to 10. 10. You're in so much fear. You die because you can die from fear.
31:07
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Right.
31:08
Ken Miller
So much chemicals are being released. But I've been at nines. I've been kidnapped.
31:12
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Wow.
31:13
Ken Miller
I've had guns pulled on me. I've had knives to my chest. Okay. So I. I've been there.
31:18
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
31:19
Ken Miller
I. I've had to deal with my father as a nine.
31:24
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
31:24
Ken Miller
So I've been there. But my fear today is more like ones and twos, you know? And so that's just a level of discomfort. But so October, from that point on, I've been protected. And I have. I have. I don't have to do this journey alone.
31:42
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes. Yes.
31:43
Ken Miller
And many times. That many times. I don't do it as often. There was a lot of times I had to talk to God and really Prayer.
31:52
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes.
31:53
Ken Miller
But that is lesson. Because my life has very little friction. Very little friction. I do life. First of all. I tell people all the time I'm. Well.
32:02
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
32:03
Ken Miller
And I want to listen to hear this, too. I don't work on Ken. I don't work on me. I'm cool with me.
32:10
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
32:10
Ken Miller
And how do you know that? Because I know from the reflections from others. They're good with me.
32:16
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
32:16
Ken Miller
And I'm writing a book about it. It's called I'm good with Good.
32:20
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Oh, that's good. That's good.
32:22
Ken Miller
Yeah. Can.
32:23
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
I love that. And I love the journey. And I love. And I'm curious about you talked about forgiving your father. And I think that an important thing. At what point did that happen at. At the deep level where you could really let go of the trauma that he caused in your life?
32:39
Ken Miller
I actually did that before I got arrested in. Oh, four. Yeah. So what happened is the incident happened in April of 85. My father ended up doing, I think seven, eight years in the penitentiary because there's no such thing as attempted murder in Alaska. It's first degree assault.
32:59
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Wow.
33:00
Ken Miller
And my mom wouldn't testify. It was too traumatic. And when she passed away, she still had two bullets in her. Took out three and there was two still in her. It was in the late 90s and I had, I would always have these little periods of sobriety. It could be three months. I went to treatment that was a year long treatment. This is in that 21 years. And anyway, I went up and I sat down and talked to my father and we talked and had a, a good talk.
33:34
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
33:35
Ken Miller
And. And again, it's my decision to forgive. Yeah, it's mine. And I did. And, and that was a choice because it's very difficult to self forgive if you can't forgive others.
33:55
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah. Yeah. It all kind of starts with this work here and it bleeds out into the world. But I also remember you saying, you know, back even in college, you get there and you're like, you had no self worth. And so kind of you finding out, did that, you know, voice of God and that faith or wherever. I was open to how people express spirituality, have a deep faith like you. And did that. Do you feel like that transformed, feeling like number one, you weren't alone or number two, maybe that you had value? How did you go from feeling valueless or like not fitting in college years all this time to actually feeling like I am who I am, I love who I am and I'm accepting who I am. What, what along the journey helped you find that piece of kin?
34:41
Ken Miller
I love that question. Let me tell you a little story. Yeah. So I was in treatment in Seattle, Washington. And it's a room of, let's say 30, 40 addicts. And I'm sober. And there's a gentleman on the way over on the other side of the table. It's a big circle, let's say tables with their square tables made into a circle. We got 40 people in there.
35:15
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Right.
35:15
Ken Miller
And I'll never forget he was upset at me for some reason, I can't even remember why. And I remember he said, I hope you relapse. And I Rushed over there to physically assault this man. Because I would not give my addiction to my worst enemy. Okay. That's how bad my addiction was. But I would give it to me, and I'm a child of God, But I didn't know that at that time.
35:44
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Right.
35:44
Ken Miller
Right. I wouldn't. I literally would not give it to my worst enemy. My addiction is so demeaning, so low, so dirty, so ugly.
35:53
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
35:54
Ken Miller
So, so much self hatred.
35:56
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
35:56
Ken Miller
I wouldn't give it to my worst enemy. And he is. I hope you relapse. Okay. So he didn't know the power of what he said. Yeah. This was years ago. This is back in the 90s. So when I get cleaned up, when I start building a relationship with God, then it's up to me to look inside and to forgive self. Yeah. Along and along with forgiving others. And I had to look at all the people that I had resentments for and all the people. Because, remember what a resentment, you know, since tears. To feel. It's to refill a negative emotion. Right. And I don't. I don't want resentment. I don't want to bring up. One of the most important things that I did, and one of the most beautiful things that I did is I took away the power of the secret.
36:50
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
The darkness. Right.
36:51
Ken Miller
Yes. It's darkness. It's a room.
36:55
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah. Yeah.
36:57
Ken Miller
It's a long hallway on each side of the hallways. Our doors.
37:02
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
37:03
Ken Miller
And on that door is a plaque. And the plaque will say, mom shot. I mean, dad shot mom, 1985.
37:10
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
37:11
Ken Miller
And then usually what we do is we sit outside that door in the hallway and we remain in the feeling. Yeah. And so what I do and what I learned to do and I work with guys on this is I go in the door and I allow the sunlight of the spirit.
37:28
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
37:28
Ken Miller
To shine upon the set piece.
37:31
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes.
37:32
Ken Miller
And I take away the power of it. I've taken away the power of every single negative thing that's happened to me. I've taken away its power to be in the present, make me feel less than. So it's a beautiful place to be.
37:46
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Oh, I love that analogy. I love your room, the hall. I love. I can see it. And I think I want to stop here because I think those people listening, I want to make sure that they hear what you're saying, Ken. And as I hear you saying that, to me, it's like if you have a dark room, all you need is one little match, and light overcomes darkness. Right. And we could analogize this to those things that we all have shame about if we keep them inside and we don't bring them to light, share them with a com, a close confidant, or deal with that prayer or whatever way that looks for us and put them out in the light. It's like it takes away all the power, doesn't it? Because it's only when it's hidden inside of us that.
38:28
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
And again, it may take a therapist or a professional or a trusted friend.
38:33
Ken Miller
That's what I did. Yeah.
38:35
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah, exactly. But those. There is a power there, too. And that's why groups like AA work, because you're coming together with all of us kind of failed people. And we're all in that boat, no matter what we think we are and we're being real with one another. There's no hiding. There's no saying, well, I'm better than you.
38:51
Ken Miller
It's.
38:52
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
We're all in this together. Right?
38:55
Ken Miller
Yeah. And there's a commonality.
38:56
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
38:56
Ken Miller
There's a humbleness of admitting, you know, if you're an alcoholic or a drug addict, but you know this. So this is an important part about the rooms.
39:08
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
39:08
Ken Miller
These secrets. What were. What I attempted to do and I did is I use a different part of my brain to observe the situation. And see, what we do is we shut down at the emotion.
39:24
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes.
39:24
Ken Miller
An emotion is much more powerful than intellect. Okay. Because it's a protective mechanism.
39:31
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
39:32
Ken Miller
But I'm stuck in that feeling. And it's a negative feeling. So I go in there and see, this is the thing. So with a counselor, a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a trusted advisor, a friend. You can walk in that door together. Yeah. You don't have to go in there alone.
39:46
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
39:47
Ken Miller
And then what I do and what I did is I just. I do three things. I turn on the light, turn the switch on, allow the sunlight of the spirit. Let's just say it's a light switch. And then I describe the set. What was the set? Let's talk about this intellectually. Who was there? What were they wearing? What did they say? Who are the other characters in on this set? It's like a set piece. Yep. Then, which is super important is I say to myself, how did I feel when this was happening?
40:22
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
40:23
Ken Miller
And I'm willing to go there. And then more important than even, how do I feel? What was my self talk? This is my fault. This is what I deserve. I mean, this self talk.
40:35
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes.
40:35
Ken Miller
And then I also go into. And I try to find out what was the underlying pain that created that self talk. Yeah. I remember I have a fundamental. My fundamental. And I was talking about it earlier today. I have one fundamental. My fundamental is that I was going to die alone. That's my fundamental is that I'm going to die alone. And that's my greatest fear because I didn't have a mom and I knew that I wasn't wanted, so. And you talking about another defense mechanism. We talked about that.
41:12
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
41:12
Ken Miller
My other defense mechanism or coping mechanism is never saying no.
41:18
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes.
41:19
Ken Miller
People with low self esteem, they. The reason I don't say no is if I say no, you may not like me. Yes. You may not want to associate or interact with me. And then I'll be alone.
41:32
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah. So the cardinal abandoned. Right. Which I know people can relate to. That's so common. And yet. And then the, the myth and the lie is that you're the only one who feels that way. Right. And then as we get out in the world, we realize there's a lot of people with the wounds that you're describing and different trajectories and certainly maybe didn't have to go through all the experiences you did, but still it's not. So now you do work with and you have a specific organization. I believe it's Men of Color and Development. Tell us more about like how now shifting from your transformation to your work in the world. Because. And people might wonder, I'm a doctor. Right. And I do resiliency radio. But they might wonder, okay, Ken, why is this guest on here?
42:17
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
But I'll tell you what, these things that you're talking about, Ken, are the most important things in overall life. Happiness, in success, in relationships, and also in health. Right. So. And you know that as well as I do. But I think it's so relevant because as we deal with our broken parts and as we bring them to the light and as we work with people to process this, that's such a power of healing that I see in my practice. But I want to hear what are you doing now in the world to mentor young men of all types and backgrounds and tell us more about the work you're doing now.
42:51
Ken Miller
Oh, I'm doing a lot. You know, someone asked me about that and I said, you know, I. Part of it is I sometimes think there's a scales of justice and I have done so much bad. And I'm also, I'm not. I. Because I see some people want to like trump, you're bad. Yeah, my bad. Yeah, I kill. I got three bodies or whatever. And I'm not into that. I just Know the bad I did. Which was bad.
43:20
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
43:21
Ken Miller
Okay. So now I'm on this other side and I almost feel like I need to. And I've given away from that. Now I do it more because I believe that's God's will for me. And then also I understand strength and I understand gifts. And I have gifts.
43:39
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
43:40
Ken Miller
And my gifts are the ability to speak, to articulate, to shine light, especially on. Not events and experiences, but the emotions and the feelings behind them. A lot of people have difficulty with that part and the self talk. So what I began to do, you know, in the programs we sponsor people, we work them through the steps and the anonymous programs. So I had a little background there and I've sponsored many men.
44:14
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
44:14
Ken Miller
And then I said I wanted to start mentoring young black men. Yeah. Because there's such a need for black men to have a role model and to have someone that believes in them and also have some another black man they can trust. Because black men don't trust black men a lot. And so I began doing that in 2010. Been doing that for now 16 years. It's open ended. I have men I've been mentoring for 16 years. We meet quarterly. So anyway, that's. And my main object when I mentor men is to engender dreams.
44:56
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Oh, love.
44:57
Ken Miller
Every guy I meet with, that's the first thing I say to them is that is my goal is to engender your dream and I give you permission to dream. And I shut up. Some people say, have you give people permission to dream? Yeah, because many people have had that permission taken away. How dare you think you can do that?
45:20
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes.
45:20
Ken Miller
Whether it's family, friends, school, co workers, partners.
45:26
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
45:27
Ken Miller
You know, so anyway, so that's part of. So I mentor men. Today I have 14 that I explicitly mentor. And that means we meet every three months and we have homework and we do certain things. And then I founded a few different organizations or groups, so I'll mention those. I have men of color in development that came out of a black panel that I had put together in the field of fundraising. That's my subject matter expertise as a fundraiser for non profits. And at the end of the talk, this panel was three or four of us on there. I said, if anybody wants to be mentored, you know, contact me. Here's my email. And I had 45 men contact me.
46:15
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Wow.
46:15
Ken Miller
I didn't know it was that bad to be mentored specifically in that area. But I end up mentoring the person I don't coach. I can because I'm a good fundraiser. Okay. So that. So I said we need an organization of black male fundraisers. So I started Men of Color and Development is now a part of African American Development Officers. We're doing great. We have about 400 men from around the country. So I still mentor some of the men in there. And then we do scholarships, things of that nature. It's been around for about five years. Then I started the Six Pillars Black Men's Book Study and Discourse Group. And what we do is we read a nonfiction book. That's my only really rule, because it has to be non fiction. And then we meet every two weeks and we discuss the books.
47:13
Ken Miller
And it's called the Six Pillars because our first book, which is probably my favorite book is, other than the Bible, is the Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Brandon. So that was our first book. It takes us six months. Then went to Cry Like a Man by Wilson. And then we just finished Grow Rich, Bob Proctor. And in July, we'll start up Power Nomics is our next book.
47:42
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
I'm familiar with a lot of those great books, awesome books.
47:46
Ken Miller
Then our next. The next thing I. I set up is a. A book club. A deep book club. And I mean, my deep.
47:59
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
47:59
Ken Miller
Is that we're doing Constellations by David White. And that is a book club or really a book discussion group that meets every two weeks. It's black and white by choice. I don't. I don't interact with women. And I just want to make sure people understand why I'm a married man. And there were times I was not faithful to my former wives. Both of them. And so I've made a decision that I don't, at a emotional level, involve myself with women. And both. Everything I do is at an emotional level.
48:39
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
48:39
Ken Miller
And so that's my choice. I'm comfortable with that. But I made a big decision to open this book club to both black men and white men, you know, or men of other. So I do that. That's another one that I do. And then I do workshops. I just did a financial workshop for black men. We call it Six Pillars, part of that group. And then I have another, the mentor group, which is called Pass It On. And we have four generations of black men entering black men.
49:09
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Amazing. What an amazing group of work that you do.
49:13
Ken Miller
Oh, and I write books. I speak from the stage.
49:16
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah. Yeah. And if you're listening, of course, you know, I'll have all this in the show notes. And before we go, Ken, we're going to find out where to find you like your main site, but I also want to hear before we go is, what would you say are the topics 3, 4 practices for you right now that daily keep you integrated and keep you on the path? What are some of the most important things that keep you emotionally grounded and resilient today?
49:41
Ken Miller
Great question versus prayer.
49:44
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
49:45
Ken Miller
And what. I pray. And I. I pray maybe a little different than some people. And I. I'll just talk about. I'll just tell you about my prayer. I don't pray for people's health. I don't pray for financial. I don't pray for possessions. I pray for just knowledge of God's will. What's the next indicated correct thing to do. And then I also pray for the strength, courage, fortitude to be able to do his will, because his will is different than my will sometimes.
50:17
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Right. We get those marching orders. I used to start my journal and say, okay, God, what do you have for me today? Right. Like, okay, what's on the agenda? And. And you know what? If we ask those questions, he always answers, but not always in the way that we wanted to hear.
50:31
Ken Miller
So that's a. That's a one foundation. The other foundation is that. And you talk about these daily. Number one. Number two, I would say, is that I just put it out and make a list.
50:44
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
50:45
Ken Miller
It's a list type of person. Number three, I make a decision to be who I wanted to be. This is a decision that I make. And that decision is to be a kind and gentle man. And 99 of the time, I am. I had a little faux pas on Saturday and I made my apology.
51:07
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
51:08
Ken Miller
To the affected parties.
51:11
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
51:11
Ken Miller
But I make that decision, and then probably the last thing is I try to treat my wife as the most important person in my life. She is. She is the most important. We have the children. There's grandchildren. They're here right now.
51:27
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
51:27
Ken Miller
Outside we have her mother who lives with us, who's 90. But my wife comes first and comes before me.
51:36
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
51:37
Ken Miller
And so I'm very gentle and very kind with her. I'm the type. I just send her. I text her just.
51:45
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
51:46
Ken Miller
Or just funny things.
51:47
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Right. Right.
51:48
Ken Miller
All the time. She's downstairs.
51:49
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
51:50
Ken Miller
Come home. But that's how much I love her. And I've been so blessed with that union that God put her in my life and. And in return, she treats me very well. So those are three or four of those. Of the things I do, I read.
52:06
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
52:07
Ken Miller
I bring in. I'm not gonna say sometimes I bring in Negative. I. I grew up on some rap music and heavy metal music, some of that. But I usually don't hear the word.
52:18
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah, yeah. It's all okay. Yeah, exactly. Oh, my goodness. I love it.
52:21
Ken Miller
That's my skill. I'm sticking to it. Oh, that's another thing.
52:25
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah.
52:26
Ken Miller
This is one of the greatest gifts you can have, the ability to laugh at yourself.
52:32
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yes, Yes. I couldn't.
52:34
Ken Miller
And I laugh at myself.
52:38
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
It's so true. It just keeps life. You said something in the midst of your dark days about absurdity. I think you mentioned that word, and I think sometimes, I mean, that's kind of a maybe a negative word, but in some ways, it's almost like if we. If we realize the absurdity of some of the things seriously crazy, it really frames it.
52:58
Ken Miller
You're like, there's some time. Not often, but there are times where I'm just like, did I really do that?
53:05
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Right?
53:07
Ken Miller
20 Some years.
53:08
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah. And I did some.
53:10
Ken Miller
Some things. And I'm like, did I? Maybe I really didn't. And then I just go to Court View and I go and look at my record.
53:17
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Oh, yeah. Oh, Ken, this was so much fun. And I love the work that you're giving back in the world, and I love the way God has just really directed your path to. To just bless. And you know what? He always does that. He takes our suffering and difficulties and then transforms them. Other people can benefit, and you're clearly doing that in the world. If people want to know more about your groups, all the things you're doing, where can they find more about you?
53:44
Ken Miller
Easy. Just reach out to me. I usually work through LinkedIn. It's this easy. You can just DM me in LinkedIn. I've had people get a contact, and we've ended up meeting for lunch. You know, I've had people fly up and just to talk to me, but that's another world. But the key thing is this DME LinkedIn is KenMiller84. Or you can message me on my website. Ken Miller speaks.
54:08
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Perfect.
54:09
Ken Miller
Makes it real easy.
54:10
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
Yeah, perfect. Ken, it has been an absolute pleasure. Thank you for the work you're doing, and it was so much fun to talk to you today. Hey, guys, Hope you enjoyed that amazing transformational episode with Ken Miller as much as I did. I know it's a little different from my usual guests, but what a powerful story. And I'm sure we only scratched the surface of his last life and transformation, and now the way he is in the world, mentoring other men, really enjoyed that episode. If you like that episode, please like and subscribe. And more importantly, would you share this episode with a friend or family member or anyone in your life who needs a little encouragement? That's my biggest desire for this show. Is that it. It's.
54:50
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD
It's encouraging out there for you in the world with whatever you're struggling with in your own transformational journey. As you know, we have an episode, a new episode each week. So join me again next week for a new episode of Resiliency Radio. Until then, make it a great day.
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