What if healing isn't meant to happen alone? Dr. Jill welcomes Nicole Fox, co-creator of the Hive Agreements, for a powerful conversation about belonging, sisterhood, self-trust, and creating communities where people feel safe enough to heal and thrive.
🔑 5 Key Discussions with Nicole Fox
① 🐝 The Six Hive Agreements
Nicole shares six principles for creating safe, supportive communities rooted in wholeness, belonging, mutual honor, learning, sustainability, and connection.
② ❤️ Belonging Without Having to Earn It
True belonging begins with accepting ourselves and others as we are—without performing, changing, or diminishing ourselves to fit in.
③ 🤝 From Competition to Collaboration
The Hive Agreements encourage women to move beyond comparison and competition toward supporting, celebrating, and learning from one another.
④ 🪞 Self-Trust, Mirroring & Growth
Nicole explores how relationships can act as mirrors, helping us recognize our gifts, confront our shadows, and reconnect with our own inner guidance.
⑤ 🍯 What Bees Teach Us About Healing
From cooperation and diverse roles to rest and sustainability, the hive offers a powerful model for creating communities where individuals and the collective can flourish.
🔑 Key Takeaways with Nicole Fox
🔹 Belonging is inherent—it doesn't need to be earned through performance or perfection.
🔹 Safe communities allow vulnerability without trying to fix, rescue, or override another person's experience.
🔹 Trusting your own intuition and inner guidance is an important part of personal growth.
🔹 Community can shift relationships from competition and comparison toward collaboration and mutual support.
🔹 Like a healthy hive, sustainable communities thrive when individuals embrace their unique gifts while supporting the whole.
About Nicole Fox
Nicole Fox is the Founder and CEO of Integrative Medicine Consulting Group, helping physicians and medical practices integrate functional, lifestyle, and integrative medicine into patient care.
With more than 20 years of experience, Nicole has worked with hundreds of physicians nationwide and collaborated with functional medicine pioneer Dr. Jeffrey Bland and the Functional Medicine Research Center. She is also co-creator of the Hive Agreements, a framework designed to foster belonging, connection, and supportive community.
Integrative Medicine Consulting Group: https://integrativemcg.com/
BE Sisterhood: https://www.beesisterhood.com/
The Book: https://www.amazon.it/dp/B0GX7HGSM4?tag=itlinktagbk-21&geniuslink=true
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD – Leading Functional Medicine Doctor
Dr. Jill Carnahan, MD, ABIHM, ABoIM, IFMCP is internationally recognized as one of the most respected leaders in functional and integrative medicine. She is dually board-certified in Family Medicine and Integrative Holistic Medicine, and the founder and medical director of Flatiron Functional Medicine in Louisville, Colorado.
Widely known as a pioneer in environmental toxicity, mold-related illness, autoimmune disease, and resilience medicine, Dr. Carnahan combines cutting-edge science with compassionate, root-cause care. Her clinical approach integrates precision genomics, epigenetics, microbiome research, peptide therapy, and lifestyle interventions to transform health outcomes for patients worldwide.
She is the author of the best-selling memoir Unexpected, which weaves her personal journey through cancer, Crohn’s disease, and mold-related illness with her professional expertise. Dr. Carnahan is also the executive producer of the award-winning documentary Doctor/Patient and the host of the popular podcast Resiliency Radio, which reaches over 500,000 global subscribers.
As an international keynote speaker, Dr. Carnahan has been featured at leading medical conferences including A4M, IFM, EPIC, and IPM Congress, and her work is frequently highlighted in major media outlets such as NBC, CBS, Fox News, Forbes, Parade, People, and MindBodyGreen.
With a reputation as both a scientist and a healer, Dr. Jill Carnahan is regarded as one of the top functional medicine doctors in the world, offering a unique blend of evidence-based research, innovation, and deeply personalized care.
The Podcast with Nicole Fox
The Video with Nicole Fox
Transcript
00:01
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Hey guys, welcome to Resiliency Radio, your go to podcast for the most cutting edge insights integrative and functional medicine. I'm your host, Dr. Jill and with each episode we dive into the heart of healing and personal transformation. Join me as I interview medical experts, world leaders, innovators of all types helping you on your journey to optimal health and healing. Today we're going to hear from Nicole Fox. She's been a friend, a conference organizer, done so many roles in our functional integrative world and now she sharing with us the new book that she just wrote with her friends and this book talks about sisterhood, talks about really being in community with other women. You are going to love this episode and I'll introduce her in just a moment.
00:46
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Before I do, I want to remind you if you're looking for a functional medicine practitioner, you can look no further than Flatiron Functional Medicine in Louisville, Colorado. We do virtual consults and we are accepting new patients. Many people are surprised to hear that. You can call 303-993-7910 or email info flatiron functional medicine.com to get more information. If you're not really sure who you're looking for or want to know more, you can schedule a free 10 minute consult with one of our providers and you can also get more information at my website, jillcarnahan.com so check it out and do share with a friend if they're looking for someone to help them on their healing journey. Also, you guys have known if you've been here very long, I have a retail website, DrJill Health.com with all kinds of products and services.
01:36
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Things for mast cell activation, loads of things for gut and brain health, heart health, you name it. It's all there specially curated for you. So check it out at Dr. Jill health.com you can get 15% off your first order. And some of my most favorite and popular products are the Dr. Jill Beauty line. One of our really best selling sets is the Mini Miracle Kit. It contains a advanced bakuchiol with retinol, a retinol eye cream and my very favorite Vit Ce serum. You can get that@drjillhealth.com it's called the Mini Miracle Kit. It was one of the first things I put together and it's been our best seller for many years. Again, you can find that@drjillhealth.com okay, I want to introduce our guest, Nicole Fox.
02:22
Dr. Jill Carnahan
She's the founder and CEO of Integrative Medicine Consulting Group where she helps Physicians and medical practice successfully integrate integrative and functional medicine, lifestyle and integrative medicine into their practices. She has more than 20 years of experience in the field and worked with hundreds of physicians national wide, collaborated with Jeff BL and many other providers. But today we're talking about her new book about the bee sisterhood. So let's join Dr. Nicole actually, I'm sorry, let's join Nicole Fox for the BE Sisterhood. Here she is. Let's welcome Nicole. Nicole, I am so excited for this episode.
02:59
Dr. Jill Carnahan
We talked just briefly before coming on, but even though people might wonder that this isn't the exact normal kinds of guest and topic that we talk about, you and I agree that the future of medicine, healing and community is the kinds of things we're going to talk about today with your new book. And I'm so excited. He'll hide. I have agreements, right?
03:22
Nicole Fox
Yeah. Yes.
03:24
Dr. Jill Carnahan
So I am so excited to dive into your book and the topic and I always love to set the stage in. Often we get insights, inspirations from various sources and then it kind of comes together. I know my book was that way. How did this come about with your co authors and the hive Agreements tell us a little bit about the backstory.
03:43
Nicole Fox
Yeah, well, and first off, thanks for having me. It's just so fun to be on this with you. So thanks for inviting me. So yeah, we, me and three of my dear sisters, we met at a retreat about four and a half years ago. And the retreat was a, just a intentional retreat to go and do some like deep healing work, really self discovery, transformation work. And were in the middle of this event. I didn't know any of them. We had all met for the first time and there was a certain like process they were taking us through. And I don't know if I remember exactly what the process was, but I was sitting there in the room and I just like had like this deep stomach pain. Like I was just feeling a lot of like harsh energy.
04:31
Nicole Fox
It was kind of in my solar plexus and I was sitting there, I was just kind of like breathing, trying to like move it. And this woman walks up to me and she's like, can I put my hands on your back? And there was, it was a co. There was men and women there, but it was just like a very loving space. So, you know, I felt very safe. And so I was like, sure. So she puts her hand on my back and she just was like comforting me. And next thing I know, all the women in the retreat, one by one, start Walking up to us and. And everyone kind of like, just put their hands one of another.
05:04
Nicole Fox
And I don't know if you ever saw the movie Avatar, but there's a place where they're all kind of like turning into a web. Well, it was kind of that. And then all of a sudden, one of the women in, like, the group, she started to hum. She kind of starts buzzing, like a. Just a light buzz. And all of us start buzzing. And it was like the weirdest thing. And then all of a sudden, we all started laughing because it was like, what are we doing? Oh. And at the time, you know, were just kind of laughing, thinking, like, gosh, this is kind of random. But the thing that was, like, the most profound for me in that moment is what I noticed was like, that deep pain, like, that experience that I was experienced.
05:47
Nicole Fox
It was like the vibration of the hum, it actually moved the energy out of my stomach. And I just. I felt like, the release. It felt like this pain that I just been holding onto for a very long time. And it actually took many years to integrate that experience. But it was through that four of us became really dear friends. And then we. Together, we felt like there was a gift given to us that we now call the BE Sisterhood. And we originally started just, like, creating these agreements that we now live by with each other, which there was no intention to start a business or to write a book. We just wanted to, like, really consciously begin a true sisterhood and a safety, I guess, like a container full of safety so that we could really go deep with one another. And.
06:39
Nicole Fox
And then it was such a profound experience that one day we've decided, like, we need to share this with.
06:44
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Share this. Oh, wow. I love that it comes from such a beautiful, personal story. And I feel like the divine is always working. And often those things do come in the moments that we're paying attention when we're just living and we get this gift. And this gift is our own connection, our own healing. And I know in my own journey of healing from various things and the people in my life and the stories and all of that, it's always like we experience this incredible thing, and then that gift is given, and then the call is, can we share that with the world? And you've done that, and you've just described the exact path, I think, that many of us go through. But how cool that it was in community, that it was this. I just love the buzzing and all of that.
07:26
Dr. Jill Carnahan
And we know, like, from science, even if we bring in the science, like humming and buzzing. You know, you can talk more about that too. But how cool is that and how amazing what's come out of that and that you had this experience with the sisters, you know, your sisterhood. So I think I want to start with what you mentioned, which is in the beginning of this book. I have a copy. Thank you. There's a special prayer do you want to share to set the tone a little bit about? Just share that with us.
07:52
Nicole Fox
Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. So we have studied the bees since this has happened. So were never any beat experts, nor do we claim to be now. But through the process, in studying the bees, we kind of looked at, like, the queen bee versus, like, the hive as a tool as a whole. And one of the things we've really learned is, like, they are in service to the queen. And for us, as we wrote the book, it felt really important to start it with a prayer, because to us, we're. We're representing the queen as, like, the divine. And so that's how we relate to the queen bee. So this is the introduction to the way of the hive. This is our prayer. No more do we choose me or you. We choose me and you. We are, we are for you. We are you.
08:39
Nicole Fox
We take up our space. We build each other up. We already belong. We choose community. We stand together. We create together. We cross pollinate. We choose more than enough. We honor our own guidance. We choose sisterhood, sacred belonging, and sustainability. We choose the way of the hive. No more do we choose one way or another. We choose one way and another. We choose harmony. This is a global reset.
09:10
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Oh, I love it. And again, anyone out there listening knows that our world is changing and people are more lonely than ever. I think the biggest factor on illness is really loneliness. There's nothing bigger that impacts us. So this concept of community, of sisterhood, and it could be sisterhood, brotherhood, community in many ways, but obviously starting with our female friends and our sisters and our colleagues. So many years there's been competition and tearing each other down and all the things that we don't want. And today we're talking about we do want. And you've always lived that. I mean, I see your light and the way you go, and I hope that I am the same. But it's like we know that the more we are just loving one another and having that community, the more that we all benefit. Right? There's no competition.
09:53
Dr. Jill Carnahan
And I really love that because historically, women can be pretty catty. So how beautiful. So you started to love the story we just heard the intro to the book talk about, there's five agreements. Right? Is that right? The center.
10:08
Nicole Fox
There's actually six agreements.
10:09
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Are six. Six.
10:10
Nicole Fox
Yeah.
10:11
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Yeah, let's talk about those a little bit.
10:13
Nicole Fox
Yeah, absolutely. And the thing that's really great about them also, just to let you know, it just really goes into some of the stuff that you were just talking about also. You know, obviously, as women, we have, you know, we've all been trained and to kind of experience a certain way of how we relate with one another. And so through this process, we have really, like, dove into that and saw, like, what would happen if we as women around the world came together and chose to live by these agreements. Like, not just what it would do for us personally, but, like, how could it actually shift the consciousness of the planet? And so that's where these hype agreements came from. So do you want me just to go through them, really?
10:54
Dr. Jill Carnahan
I would love to. And before we do, too, you mentioned your story in that group and what happened. Is there any deeper personal Nicole story that goes along with this as far as maybe that transformation from that moment till you wrote the book? I feel like story is so key. Before we jump into those agreements, is there any other piece for you personally where you were like, this is so important to share with the world, not just your pain and that experience, but since that moment till you wrote the book?
11:23
Nicole Fox
Yeah, I think that, like, my whole life, I've just really always. I mean, I just, you know, I came from a broken family. I. I, you know, I was just a normal teenage girl growing up, but I think that there was just a lot of experiences in my life where I just always felt like I didn't fit in, or I felt like I was broken, or there was something wrong with me. And so I was. I think that's actually been a blessing for me because I believe that's what's kind of helped me to, like, step into this transformational work and to, like, really dive into healing. But there's this idea, like, I didn't belong or, like, I was broken. And so I think through this, those are some of the agreements that we have actually created. Is like, one, we all belong.
12:13
Nicole Fox
No matter what. How whoever you are, we all belong. And that we are all sacred and whole. Like, we are all come from the divine and whatever that means to you, there is no mistake inside of that. And if we can just choose to believe that one thing, like, if we're not broken, then what is available to us, and then the Other one is that we all belong. So if I know I belong, it doesn't mean that I need to fit in. I can actually fit out, you know, so I can be, like, my unique expression of who I am, and that is exactly who I meant to be. And that's exactly what the hive needs. That's what the world needs. And, like, through that diversity, it's actually supporting. It's like, the answer is also part of the question.
12:53
Nicole Fox
It's what we need is also part, you know, as part of the gift. And so I think, to answer your question, is a lot of these agreements that we've moved into, it's been my own transformation, because I didn't actually believe it myself. And then what I realized is that a lot of these areas that we've gone into, it actually is a choice. Like, we can choose to fit in, or we can choose to believe that we don't fit in. It's all a choice. And so just in realizing that it's that powerful, that I can just choose to believe that I belong, that just in that alone can create the transformation.
13:31
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Wow. I just want to pause there for a moment. I want to go on to the six. I know people are anxiously waiting, but I feel like this is so important, because what you've just expressed is common human suffering, like the things it make in your book makes a striking assertion that there's nothing a woman needs to do now to belong. Right? And we've all led to believe we have to perform and we have to be conscientious, and we have to, you know, love and serve, and especially as those of us who are healers, there's this idea that my value comes from what I do, not just being. And I really love that we've started here because this need, what happens is we in isolation, as you described as a child. We believe that we're the only ones that doesn't belong. Right.
14:15
Dr. Jill Carnahan
That doesn't fit in and back in. I don't know how junior high was for you, and I was not, like, you know, an outcast, but I also felt like I didn't belong. And it's so weird that most young women don't feel like they don't belong. So this is super common, not just unique to you and me, Nicole. Right? And so as you write this book and share this message, and even adults, you know, at my age, there's still times when I'm like, I remember walking into certain groups or conferences where I'm like, oh, do I fit in? Do I Belong. I feel so weird. So I really love that you're addressing that. Why is this deep human need for belonging so sacred? And why did you start there? Because I think there couldn't be a more important place to start.
14:55
Nicole Fox
Well, I think that if we don't believe we belong, then we're not going to let down our walls and let other. And it's interesting what you were saying about, you know, being a teenager. I've, you know, this book launched in May of this year and the biggest feedback that I have gotten from adult women is just how they have felt like they were not lovable and that they felt like they are broken. And so just in the very first agreement which we say is that we are all sacred and whole. Like, just believing that can completely make people feel like if I'm sacred and whole, then that can mean that I, I belong. I am lovable. And, and it's like we get to start our own journey into self love.
15:40
Nicole Fox
And the thing, Dr. Jill, that's been like so profound inside of this experience with these other three women is that the work that we've done together, I couldn't do it in a corner by myself. And that was the problem is like I was feeling like if I could just get this done, then I'll belong or if I can just achieve this one thing, then I feel like I can be everything I need to be in the world. And what I realized was, is that the work that were doing together was like in the sacred witnessing, in the vulnerability, in the trusting of one another. That's where the real healing came. It was like I was trying it one way and I wasn't getting anywhere. And then all of a sudden, like this deep transformation was happening.
16:25
Nicole Fox
But it was because of the safety that were all like agreeing to. It's like, no matter what you can bring the good, bad and ugly, you don't have to change anything. And no matter what, we're choosing to be in relationship with each other and accept all of it without having to change anything. And then from on a deeper level, as were exploring this, were like, gosh, this is like what the world needs. Like, instead of us trying to convince each other that we need to change, to belong or to be accepted, why don't we agree to just live in harmony? Harmony does not mean that we have to agree. Harmony means that we can both coexist and they can both be okay.
17:08
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Hey guys. If you have not yet seen Doctor Patient movie, it's now streaming on Amazon Prime it's free on YouTube and Tubi if you want to watch it with commercials. And you can get all the scoop@doctor patient movie.com again doctor patientmovie.com or go to Amazon prime and search Doctor Patient Movie. You can watch it from there. Please do take a look. If you haven't watched it yet, share it with a friend who might be suffering or going through a hard time. My goal with creating that documentary was just to be an inspiration and help to those who are suffering from complex chronic illness. So check it out. DrPatientMovie.com okay, let's get back to our show. So profound. Like I said, I think this is important to pause for a moment because it's so important.
17:51
Dr. Jill Carnahan
One thing that comes to mind that we see all over social media is this polished fake AI versions of women that really aren't real at all. And then the climbing of younger, older, every type of women to try to be what they're supposed to be and actually abandoning themselves. What do you think happens to a woman who spends decades shape shifting to try to belong? Like, how does that harm the soul of a woman?
18:19
Nicole Fox
Well, I think what, I mean, we've all been there, right? So I can just speak to what it did for me because I've been there, done that and I think what it did is it made me stop trusting myself because it's like if you're not trusting who you are and what you represent and you're trying to change it, then anything you think or say, you're not actually going to believe yourself. Yeah, I don't know if that makes sense, but it's like it's. For me, what it was doing was, it was just like I wasn't able to like really trust that I knew the right answers for myself because I, there was something wrong with me that I needed to fix it and change it to be something different.
18:58
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Nicole, it makes perfect sense. I remember when writing my own book about my journey and healing and really understanding so I had to go back to my younger self and love her and accept her fully, just like we're talking about. Right. So I actually did a lot of work around reparenting that 5 year old that felt unloved, unaccepted, all those things. But what I realized is your point right there so was so powerful because I could not re, love and heal my younger self until I trusted myself and I spent years kind of shutting down. In fact, I believe that my cancer and Crohn's disease in my twenties in medical school was I was so good at shutting down, to dissociate from pain and suffering and all of this, to just go forward and drive and do the medical training and all that stuff.
19:44
Dr. Jill Carnahan
I really lost touch with my body. You know, talk about even your first story there with the pain in your gut. You were sitting there and actually feeling that. And that was the start of the healing and this whole incredible thing that turned into a book. But you had to actually feel the pain and not dissociate. Whereas for me, for years what I did is I practiced. I was really good. And when you say high pain tolerance, a lot of us women have that all that is really freaking good at dissociating from our own pain in our own body. But that healing is like. And so that trusting of yourself, you have to come back into your body and have a safe place of community where you can actually re.
20:16
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Feel some of the pains but actually be okay in that space and trust that your body's wise enough to give you that information. Now I don't want to take over the discussion. I want you to go on to the next agreement. But I think this is so relevant.
20:28
Nicole Fox
Because that's, I just want to say like the joke about what you're just sharing is that we think like by us not going into the pain or acknowledging it, that we're hiding from it. But for me it's always running the show. Like it's always there. It's pretending like it doesn't exist or something. But the funny like the joke of it all is that it's always there.
20:48
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Yeah.
20:49
Nicole Fox
And so like when we actually allow ourselves just to be honest with whatever's going on internally, like then all of a sudden it can release, it can let go and then it's. We're more free. So I totally hear what you're saying,.
21:01
Dr. Jill Carnahan
But I just, I had this total crazy image of like, you know, like a eight year old boy who's at the window, he's like making faces to his friend or whatever and, and they're just ignoring. And this gets louder and louder. It's like our body is like kind of like the boy or a little girl like hello. And I. Hello. You know, like this kind of. Are you listening? I might hear because I look medical training, I was just driven and I was ignoring the pain and totally dissociated. And my body was like, if we can't get your attention, we might manifest as breast cancer. And again, there was more to it. Than that. But there's a big freaking piece of my cancer that was my body trying to get my attention, right? Screaming out like the boy at the window.
21:45
Nicole Fox
Well, it's amazing. So I don't know if you know this, but I got my master's in spiritual psychology and it was a two year program. It was amazing. But it's actually one of the things that really got me involved in this integrative world was because I was like, oh, my gosh, this is the missing piece. Like, this is the part where practitioners are not going into. And it's like, how is disease being brought on by our thoughts or by our trauma? And it's the one place nobody goes. I mean, some people do, but it's not generally practiced. So.
22:17
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Wow. And again, you've had experience. Like, a lot of our interactions have been your organization of some of the best conferences in the world and all the cool things that you've done. So it's been really fun to know you there. And now this part, like I said, I. I was like, you have to be on the podcast. So we talked about one agreement. Do you want to start going into some of the other ones? Because I think each one we can kind of dive into. These are so good.
22:36
Nicole Fox
Absolutely. So I'll just start with the first one. So I'm just going to read it because we have a little tagline and I just don't want to mess it up since I'm on live. Okay. So number one is we are sacred and whole. We do not see each other small. We see each other as whole. We hold each other in our highest possibility, even if it doesn't look that way. Number two is we all belong. We accept and love all of you. This is a place where we know each other. Or, excuse me, this is a place where we know each of us already belongs just as we are. There's nothing we need to do. Number three, we honor ourselves and each other. We believe that all women have a divine guidance system, and we honor how it expresses itself.
23:20
Nicole Fox
We do not try to fix each other. We do not gossip, and we take up our space. Number four, we learn from each other. We get to own, love and accept all aspects of ourselves. In what we see reflected in each of our hive sisters, welcome all of each other. The light as well as the shadow. Number five, we live sustainably. We choose to live in harmony with ourselves, then with others and our world. We no longer create from depletion. We trust ourselves to know what is and is not ours to do. And Then number six is we are stronger together. We do not do things alone. No be left behind. We hold your dreams and stories as sacred. We see your desires magnetizing to you. Right now we are meant to cross pollinate.
24:09
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Oh, such good stuff there. Okay, so we've got a lot to talk about. But one thing that stood out to me that I really love. I grew up in a very small town in farm country in Illinois. And the beauty of that was they knew community. Anyone was sick or there was a death in the family or whatever happened, people were over there with meals and they were, you know, taking care of one another. So what they did do, right, was there was so much support community. And in that way, they were in each other's business.
24:37
Nicole Fox
Right? Yeah.
24:38
Dr. Jill Carnahan
So on this other side here, the thing that why I left that area and one reason I always never. There was one piece I didn't love, and that was the gossip. And it was often paved or coded in a way that was like, oh, this is a prayer request or something. Right. But then someone called the neighbor and they'd go. And it was stuff that was really painful, private, hurtful, and I never like that. And I noticed in one of your agreements, we will not gossip. I actually really love that word is in there because it's kind of an old word. We don't talk a lot about that. And we can clothe it in that community. It was a faith community. So it was like, let's prayer request kind of thing, which they meant well. Right.
25:16
Dr. Jill Carnahan
But I never liked, like, wait, you're talking about someone. Do you have the permission to share that? Because, like, medically the same as if I talked about a patient, I would never, ever share anything someone told me in confidence. So that gossip thing can be really harmful and hurtful to people. And then I want to talk about right next to it, which was, we can take up space. How powerful is that? Because we're all so often, like, shrunken, small, because we're taught. Again, my community growing up was women are, you know, more. They're serving and they're helping and they're loving, but we're not supposed to be allowed and necessary leaders and all of that. So let's talk about those two things. How does that work into this?
25:52
Dr. Jill Carnahan
And how powerful is that you're taking a stand against gossip and giving a woman permission to take up space?
26:00
Nicole Fox
Well, there's two things. So the first thing is it's like kind of what were talking about earlier is like how were taught as young women to compete with one another. And like, I feel like it all is kind of in the same energetic.
26:11
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Yes.
26:11
Nicole Fox
And so what were very clear we needed to do for ourselves and for one another was to create the sacred container. And so it had to be dealt with. Like, there is the sister wound. We, we had it, A lot of us have experienced it. And so it was just very clear, like, that we do not tolerate gossip. And if it happens, like, we don't engage in it. It's not supportive and it's not part of where we want, who we want to be in the world or where we're headed. There's just no space for it. And so I think, like, we just were aware and it's like you could read this book and say, like, these are very simple concepts. They are very simple concepts, but they're also very profound that if we all practice it, like, it can make a big difference.
26:53
Nicole Fox
And to even acknowledge, like, where are we gossiping? Where are we speaking, you know, hurtful about another or sharing something that is not ours to share. So it just felt like an important part to create that safety so that we felt safe to go deeper with one another. And since there was four of us, you know, I've never been in a group of four women where they've never talked about another sister, you know, or another friend. And so it just isn't tolerated. So we all feel really safe.
27:22
Dr. Jill Carnahan
So that's really the core, isn't it? Because what you're doing, it's again, it's very similar to my medical encounters with a patient. When they share, they know there is no way unless I'm subpoenaed by a judge or something. But otherwise, there's no way that I will ever share that sacred information. So there's a place where I will hear things that they have never told anyone else because. So you're creating that same, almost like, you know, medical HIPAA compliance, but it's a much more beaut way. And talk about, in your experience or maybe with these women, how many women that you know of, not only in your intimate group, but as you've gone in the world with this, have sister, mother wounds like this that have cause or friends. Right.
28:02
Dr. Jill Carnahan
It can be any sort of woman relationship, but how often are you having these, that we have to heal these old wounds? Right.
28:11
Nicole Fox
There's no woman that I have come across, and clearly through this work, we talk to a lot of that doesn't have a sister wound at some level. And it could be through the mother, through a family member, or just another woman, but it exists. And part of it is because. And I think this is really important that I would love to share, but one of the key agreements that we have, which is agreement number four, is that we learn from each other. And so what I think in the past has happened is that we have sized ourselves up by comparing ourselves to other women in the world. So if you're really this amazing, powerful woman, maybe that's been. That makes me feel intimidated. Right. And instead, we're re. We're shifting. The way we.
28:55
Nicole Fox
We talk about this is that we as women are each other's mirrors. So, doctor, I can look at you and be like, wow, she is such a powerful creator. Look at all the amazing things she's doing in the world. And I can, like, acknowledge all of the things that you're doing. Right. Instead of making it like, you're big and I'm small, what I can do is say, okay, if Jill is showing me how courageous and powerful and beautiful a woman can be, then I get to own that inside of myself. And so when I see someone that I think owns something that I don't have, I get to stop and pause and be like, I am powerful. I am beautiful. I am courageous. Thank you, Dr. Jill, for being that reflection for me so that I can own those qualities inside of myself.
29:43
Nicole Fox
So now I don't have. Have to, like, compare myself. I get to actually rise up with you. And I think that's, like, when we've been hearing about the rise of the feminine, to me, I feel like that's what it is. It's like we all get to build each other up. We all get to rise, and we get to celebrate how magnificent we are, and then imagine what magic and beauty and, like, who knows what can be created from that type of space of women in relationship with one another, just even random strangers. Yeah.
30:15
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Yeah. Wow. I love that framework so much.
30:20
Nicole Fox
Can I say one more thing about it that feels really important? It goes for the negative also. So let's say I see a woman, and I see her as judgy, or she's being awful to her husband, or, you know, like, the places where we go into that. That other energetic it. She gets to be my mirror for that, too.
30:40
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Yes.
30:41
Nicole Fox
Where am I treating my husband awfully? Where am I being judgmental in the world? Like, it. It works on both ways. And so, again, if I really want to rise and be the most, like, loving, powerful woman on this planet, then I get to look at both. And if someone is showing me that, I get to look inside myself and see where am I being?
31:02
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Oh, I love that so much. And I love that you said, wait, there's more. Because there. This is maybe the more important part. Or at as important as the pot, like, so good. I recently interviewed Dr. Demartini, who's this incredible teacher, and he took a woman through this wasn't on my show, but on another podcast I'd watched of him. He took a woman who was upset at a betrayal of another woman. And she had shared this woman incompetence about an affair. And the woman told her husband and it broke up the marriage, ended up being beautiful for her in the end. But Dr. Dean Martini started with, what do you see in this woman that you're afraid of or that you don't like? And it's this betrayal, right? And then he said right to her, where have you betrayed?
31:45
Dr. Jill Carnahan
You know, like, where have you? And it was so interesting to me. I just was blown away because she, not too long into that, came up with a very clear where she saw herself in that light. And they said, okay, give me another example. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, two. And then he said, give me another. He went on to like 6, 7, 8. And he's like, okay, we could be here forever. But you see, what I'm trying to say is you are actually reacting to a hidden dark spot in yourself that you are not acknowledging that you are actually the reason why you're so perturbed by her behaviors, because you have that in yourself. And it made me really think about, okay, where am I getting like, oh, I don't like that person who's judgy.
32:23
Dr. Jill Carnahan
I'm like, oh, where am I judging, right? Or that person, like, whatever kind of thing. And so it shifted exactly what you're saying. And it's hard, right, because it's like when we're really irritated by someone and usually we believe that we're irritated because, well, I'm not like that, right? I'm not dishonest, I'm not judgy, Whatever thing we could come up with. But then when you flip it like he did with this woman, and by the end he had her, like, thanking that woman because the way her behavior brought to light this thing, and then now she's been with her daughter, like, all the things that came from that really horrible situation transformed her life completely. And she's in a much better spot. And by the end, she's like, I need to Go tell this woman thank you. And I love that because. So.
33:07
Nicole Fox
Yeah, really. And it gives us an opportunity to forgive ourselves and have some compassion for ourselves and for others. Because then we're like, oh, wait, I. I have that too. Like, let me give that love. Or that might. It might show something that we don't want to look at, right? Where we don't like that piece of ourselves. And it's like, those places need love too, so.
33:28
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Exactly.
33:29
Nicole Fox
Deep work. And it is.
33:31
Dr. Jill Carnahan
It's like.
33:31
Nicole Fox
And like I said, I can't do it by myself. Like, if there's something I can't see inside of myself and another woman is showing it to me, I'm so grateful that she's showing it to me because I might not have never seen it without her.
33:44
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Oh, so powerful. I really love that piece. One thing you do in this community and what you're sharing in the book is, you know, how to be really, how to be in community, how to retrain women to really be in that place. One thing I think is important is so often when we're in these intimate groups and starting to go deep, we're sharing deep pains and deep hurt and deep sufferings and deep shame points and all the stuff that we don't normally have the freedom to share. How do you sit with a woman and not do what we often do, which is rescue, correct, or be like, oh, or share our story and override their story.
34:16
Dr. Jill Carnahan
What are some principles where you can be with someone, create a container, let them be all their flawed, messy, beautiful self, but not step in to do a rescue or correct or judge or all the things that we typically do. Do you have any hints about how to address that?
34:32
Nicole Fox
That. I love this question so much so I feel like this is where we go into the sacred belonging piece. And, you know, I'll just talk about the four of us because we've given each other permission to go there, of the work we're doing. But, you know, we all. We've gotten to know each other very well, and we can see each other's things, right? Where they're like, if you could just.
34:54
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Do this, especially when you're working on a book together, right? It all comes out.
35:00
Nicole Fox
But what we. But the thing that we started doing is we just listen, we don't give advice, and we believe that we each have a divine guidance system inside of us that has the answer. So I might think I have the answer for you, but, like, who am I to know what's right for you to do like, that's? Not my lane. That's your lane. And if I am trying to live my life for you and rescue all these people in my life like a. It's exhausting. But on top of it's like we're almost taking away the power and the beauty of believing that people have those answers inside of themselves. Do you know what I mean?
35:40
Nicole Fox
So it's like, yes, I'm actually stealing and robbing something from you, that if I gave you the space to find it within yourself, it's going to be so much more profound and healing than if I, I were to give it to you, for you to get it for yourself. That's where, like it actually lands. So it might take a long time and we might have to learn to be patient with one another. But if we can believe that someone is going to get there's no rescuing. God's got a divine plan. Like, let's let it unfold and let's witness what happens inside of that.
36:15
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Oh, Nicole, once again, this is so powerful. Just today I was talking to a friend who is. We're kind of the same. We're, you know, always consulting. Whether it's like a healer, an acupuncturist or massage therapist or physical therapist or an intuitive or a psychic or a, you know, like all of these people that were like, oh, can you help me? Can you give me wisdom? I need to help here. And what were talking about and what I was sharing at this moment and she shared with me at other times is, sweetheart, you got everything you need inside of you. And right now you're seeking, seeking, grasping. And I've been there. That's the way I can see it, right? You already have what you need.
36:48
Dr. Jill Carnahan
And if you just go to that place of quietness with the divine, like for me, God always gives me that wisdom, but I somehow think I need to outsource it. And, and not that we can't, like, listen to our friends. Because so often when I'm in crisis, I'm calling all my dear friends, I'm like, this is what's happening. What do you think? And, and sometimes through your friends, the divine speaks too. So all of that is true. But I really love, because my nature is to go seeking to someone to validate, either validate me or give me the wisdom that I already have. And this, like, going back to the source and what I've done, like, non negotiable for me, is this morning time where I'm journaling and praying and I Always get downloads for the day there. And my best wisdom is there.
37:28
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Right. Communion with the divine. How does that work with your agreements and just encouraging women to kind of find that sacred wisdom?
37:37
Nicole Fox
Well, I think what you're saying is so profound because how many times does someone give you advice and then you feel like you have to do what they said. Right. But it doesn't actually feel in alignment with what you're feeling is right for you. And then it's like, are you trusting somebody else or are you trusting yourself? And so again, it's robbing you of. I mean, we've all been there. I've. We've all gone to the psychics. Yes. And all of it. But I feel the real healers on the planet are the ones that create the space for people to do their work and to heal themselves. Because if we become dependent one another, I, I don't actually believe that's where the healing happens. I could be wrong. But.
38:21
Nicole Fox
And, and the other thing that you said that was really important was the conversations with friends. Sometimes just in the sharing and the reflection in the conversation is where we find our answers. So it's actually, that is a gift that our sisters and our friends, our family, will give to us to explore, because sometimes you don't have those thoughts. And then it's through the conversation or through the experience that the answers actually come to us. So it's in those relationships that we get the answers. But there still are answers. They come from us. So I don't know if I answered your question, but it feels important that we do believe and trust ourselves and learn to trust ourselves. Like that is part of the healing.
39:01
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Oh, it's so important. And I think again, more than ever before, and especially with AI and all this information that we have, the one thing I cannot replicate is God's wisdom and intuition and these deep, profound kinds of things that are not illogical necessarily, which in my experience, sometimes the most profound knowing and understandings, they don't make sense logically. Right. And I have to trust that even if it doesn't make sense, there's still a truth there. And that's. And that's part of the feminine.
39:32
Nicole Fox
Right.
39:32
Dr. Jill Carnahan
It's like this almost like I always say, it's more like you're. Your logic has a. You know, you could write a paragraph and your intuitive. Might be an image or a feeling or a thought, and it's not always clear. It might be kind of vague, but it can be just as powerful.
39:47
Nicole Fox
Yeah. 100. And yeah, I, I do feel that just in the believing in ourselves and loving ourselves and trusting ourselves, like that alone can just be the healing. That is it. That is it.
40:00
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Right.
40:02
Nicole Fox
And the self love, that's the other piece. Like really loving ourselves. And I, I don't know about you, but I've been on my own personal journey and it's, it is an onion layer and it's like we get to keep on going deeper and deeper, but there, I don't think there's anything more healing than us just really learning to just accept and love who we are.
40:20
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Could not agree more. Like, at the core, unconditional love is where it is at. So.
40:25
Nicole Fox
And it's the hardest thing, right. For sometimes for us to get there with ourselves.
40:30
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Yeah. So because of your book, you have probably studied bees to some extent because you're making this metaphor with the bees. Do you want to tell just a little bit about the pearls of the wisdom of the bees and maybe some of the things where you're like, oh, this is a very applicable lesson that we could learn from bees and the hive?
40:47
Nicole Fox
Yeah. Thank you. So there's a few that are sticking out to me right now. Probably one of them is because I feel very. One of the things we really have been working on is sustainability. So, like, inside of our book, we have a sustainability quiz on our website too. But it looks at all the different areas in our life to see, like, where are we living in sustainability? And our definition of sustainability is just really living in harmony with ourselves, with others and the world. But when we look at the bees, it's amazing how much they rest. You know how you hear about, like, the busy bees, huh? Actually, not that busy. Actually, there's a lot of rest that happens. So that's one of the things that they are sustainable.
41:34
Nicole Fox
The other thing I love about the bees is they have all these different types of bees that have different jobs. Right. Or different personalities. And there's no be trying. Like, there's not a worker bee trying to be like a protector bee or, you know, the drones. Like, they are who they are. And so one of the things we always say to each other is let it be via be. Like, let's not try to change who we are. Let's just be who we are. And it's so important that they each be does their job, because without it, there would not be the harmony inside of the hive. And so for us looking at our world, how we're all trying to morph or be something different, it's kind of interesting, like, how are we a disservice to our communities by doing that? So there's that.
42:23
Nicole Fox
And then obviously the one that I shared, which has been a really profound one for us, was just about the queen, just really honoring the queen first. And so everything we do, any event, like even in our gatherings together, we meet every week for a couple of hours, and we always start our container with a prayer and just bringing in the divine and just knowing that, like, divine and then trusting ourselves again. It came from the bees in that they know what is theirs to do and what is not theirs to do as well.
42:55
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Oh, gosh. That's a hitting. Another really powerful lesson, which is we often take on things that are our responsibility that we have no control over. So you're reminding each other, like, let it go. Would you say be the be. Let it be or.
43:09
Nicole Fox
Yeah, another thing that you were bringing up also. But in our studying of the be as were just. It was so profound to learn that the beekeepers are some of the healthiest humans on the planet. And it's because that they are surrounded by the buzzing of the frequency of these bees. And, you know, there's a lot of different information about where the bees actually. The herz. Where they actually are vibrating. But some of it shows that it actually is at the vibration of love and the same vibration of creation. And so I. I mean, honestly, I believe that at that retreat, that's what happened is that there was that frequency that was coming in and I was actually like. It was going into potting. It was like moving and healing and. And so I'm. I'm fascinated.
43:59
Nicole Fox
I have a lot to learn about the bees, but they definitely have a lot to teach us. Us.
44:04
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Oh, gosh. I've done a lot of work around the frequencies and the. And I put like 530 hertz. I'm. A lot of my music is on that herz because I feel. I feel it like deeply that. So I really believe in that. And I feel like there's so much more. Like you said, I just scratched this. It's just like. It feels good to me, but I don't know all the data so interesting. I'm looking to my left. I'm going to try to show you guys this. And this just hit me like, as you talked about the beekeeper. So I have on my wall this beautiful painting. I'm going to just do this.
44:31
Nicole Fox
This.
44:31
Dr. Jill Carnahan
It's called Be Joyful, Be Happy. And in that in the corner, you. It's Hard to see, but there's bees all over there and there's hives over there and there's a beekeeper in the corner. And it literally. A dear friend of mine who is the wife of a pastor actually painted this for me locally. Like, and it was. I saw it in her studio and I'm like, oh. Like it just my whole body and it's so interesting. We're talking about that. I never really thought. I mean, I knew the bees are on there, the hive, the past, it was hard to see. But in that whole painting is the hive pattern all over the art. And it's right here beside me in my most precious space because it's meant so much. How cool is that? Like, it's just.
45:12
Nicole Fox
That is so cool. I love it. And now you're even more present to the energy. Probably.
45:17
Dr. Jill Carnahan
I'm just like, okay, that's going to mean a whole new level from what we had, our conversation in your book and everything.
45:21
Nicole Fox
Totally. And the thing that's also like just being a functional medicine provider, you know, learning about or you probably knowing about the hertz and the frequency of the. Also they had found. And I could totally be butchering the story. So don't. I believe that they had found some honey in the pyramids in Egypt. Some old honey that was like thousands of years old and it still was like you could still eat it. It's like one of the only foods that you don't have to add anything for it to like continue to be sustainable.
45:58
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Wow.
45:58
Nicole Fox
Like, yeah, I'm totally butchering probably how to communicate this. But there's also something very healing about the honey. And I've heard, not that I know anyone, but that we could literally sustain our. Ourselves off honey alone.
46:14
Dr. Jill Carnahan
I believe it because it has a propolis and all the healing immune factors people use it for and. Oh, love.
46:20
Nicole Fox
Yeah.
46:21
Dr. Jill Carnahan
I want to kind of close with a few very personal questions if you're willing to answer. Because I think that people first of all, story always drives the meaning. And just your story with your sisters and how that developed so powerful. And I love that it's now going out in the world with your book, which is why I wanted to have you on. But let's see, let's ask. What have you finally stopped apologizing for?
46:47
Nicole Fox
I used to be a big apologizer. It's a practice and I. I'm sure I don't know if you've ever heard this, but I just. I try not to apologize. I do apologize. I just don't use the Words I'm sorry. So there. It feels like there's a difference energy between the word I'm sorry, like there's something wrong with me versus I apologize. Like I consciously have done something that I just need to own.
47:13
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Yeah.
47:14
Nicole Fox
You know, so I would say the thing that I stopped saying I'm sorry for is, like, bumping into people or taking up space or shining my light or apologizing for who I am. So if I do, you know, we still. I still get very uncomfortable in my old patterning, but I've learned to thank people instead of saying I'm sorry. So, like, if I feel something, I'll just say, thank you for tolerating this or thank you for, you know, waiting for me, even though I'm a little late, instead of saying, I'm sorry, I'm late. And so I just. In. Just in general, I'm just thanking people for their patience and for their love versus for apologizing for who I am.
47:54
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Oh, that's so good. I love that. It's just really powerful. I hope people listening are taking notes. So let's think about a woman listening in her car, on her walk, on her jog, you know, in the gym right now. And she's accomplished. She's taking care of everyone. Yeah.
48:12
Nicole Fox
Yeah.
48:13
Dr. Jill Carnahan
And everybody thinks she's doing beautifully.
48:16
Nicole Fox
Right.
48:16
Dr. Jill Carnahan
We all know this woman. I'm touched as I say it, because I know I've been there before. Right. Privately, she's exhausted and lonely, and she's wondering who's going to take care of me. What would you say to her right now?
48:31
Nicole Fox
I would tell her that we are stronger together, and it is a choice. And so just to be brave, to take that step, to trust that there's other people out there that want what she has and that, you know, like, she has the gifts they need, and they have the gifts that she needs. But it just. It takes a little bit of courage for us to trust that it's available for us, you know? So that's what I would say.
49:01
Dr. Jill Carnahan
And what is the one thing that little Nicole, years ago, would look at you today and say, wow, I'm. I'm surprised, I'm proud. I'm. I'm amazed. What. What thing would you want your younger self to look at you today and say, I'm proud of you for?
49:17
Nicole Fox
I think it's the self love. I just. It was such a journey for me to get there. It was. I just really. I think I tried and tried to love myself, but I never really could get there. And And I, I feel that I've tapped into that self acceptance and that love. But it's again, instead of me trying to change something, to be like lovable, it of a choosing to just believe that I already am lovable. Like I choose just to believe that, like there's nothing I need to do, there's nothing I need to fix. And it's so funny you even bring up that question because sometimes we'll, you know, we're talking about our little children. Yeah. Sometimes we talk about like my 80 year old self.
50:02
Nicole Fox
So what is my 80 year old self telling me right now that she wants me to know, to support her and you know, 30. So it works both ways.
50:13
Dr. Jill Carnahan
But I love that shift. That's really good.
50:16
Nicole Fox
But. And so I feel like it goes both ways. Like I feel like that woman that I'm about to become is accepting and loving me right now and that girl that I just thought was broken, like, I also get to just love and accept her right where she is and there's nothing she needs to do to change. Change.
50:34
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Oh, good. I hope the women out there who are feeling that are listening. This is so powerful, so maybe more powerful than any other podcast just because this is where the heart is. I love the heart. Right though. Last thing. If the bees, all the wisdom of the bees. If the bees could speak to humanity, we're gonna go out, you know, a little bit larger. The beast could speak directly to our human existence right now and give us just one piece of wisdom on how we've been living, how we might behave or live differently. What do you think they'd say to us?
51:03
Nicole Fox
I think they would say that we always call it the big be in the sky. I believe the big be in the sky would say to us that we all, there is no right and wrong like in a sustainable world. That there's diversity there's the left and the right. It's not one or the other. Yeah. And I, I just think that we're all here having our unique human experience and it all belongs and that if we can just all accept that and love each other like we can let go and let down all of our walls.
51:45
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Beautiful. Nicole, thank you for bringing this work to the world. Thank you for sharing your story of the. How this all started and just the beautiful human that you are. I hope this grow as this movement and that more women will get in sisterhood and community. I think it's really what we need as women more than ever before. So thank you for your work.
52:05
Nicole Fox
Thanks for having me. It's just been so delightful to be here with you. I was very excited to join you today, so.
52:11
Dr. Jill Carnahan
Me too. And I said I'm sorry in the beginning because I was late. But I'm gonna say thank you for being so patient with me and so kind and gracious. Hey guys, wasn't it a fun and inspirational episode with Nicole Fox about the BE Sisterhood? You can find all of her book and information about the BE Sisterhood at bsisterhood.com It'll also be in the show notes if you're looking for more information. Thanks as always for joining me for another episode of Resiliency Radio. If you haven't yet liked or subscribed, please hit that subscribe button and join the over 1 million subscribers we now have on YouTube. If you're listening on itunes or Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts, we would love if you'd stop by and leave us a review.
52:51
Dr. Jill Carnahan
It helps us to reach more people and get even better guests to bring you great information each time. As you know, we have a new episode out every single Wednesday, so I will see you again next week for another episode of Resiliency Radio.
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